The End For Which I Brought

Short Story

What had I done? I had broken the oaths I had made with my wife at the hands of a priest; I had been unfaithful to her, I gave into my lusts and my desires and such a wonderful and beautiful woman did not deserve someone of my likings. My wife embodied such elegance and grace one could compare her to a swan swimming in a muddied pond, she held her head high even in the presence of my wretched darkness, but I gave into my lusts and betrayed such a profoundly amazing woman, I gave myself to a concubine, a simple whore who held no good morals and thought very lowly of any man that crossed her disgusting path. I could only wallow in my loathsomeness as for I had followed that path having the knowledge that I should not have, while trying to make my way back to my no longer mirthful home, but I could no longer find the joy that my home held because when I searched I could only find the great amounts of weight and pressure that I would feel as soon as my heavy heart passed through the threshold of those doors.

I walked with great melancholy as I soon approached my house that had seen so many years and has yet seen something as dreadful as my sin. It was tall and stood strong like an oak tree; it's dark ivy green walls could barely be seen against the towering evergreens that conveyed the deep sensation of eerie darkness.Trudging up the torn pathway that lead to my soon to be torn household; I was doing this, I was tearing apart the foundations of a buoyant family. I approached the beautiful, heavyset mahogany doors that only made me feel sincere remorse and longing for the time before my irreversible mistake; after taking a moment to dwell on my now stained soul I pushed aside the only thing protecting her from my utter stupidity which I knew would only lead to her demise. I cannot wreck the only thing I could deemed hopeful in the world. I would not dare to put a forlorn face to her pure spirit for it would obscure what elegance and high spirits she held herself with; I could not; I will not. As I approached the dark thick staircase I began to feel the guilt that would soon become increasingly burdensome as I proceeded with my accession up the stairs that lead to my beloved. I must not tell her; I do not wish for her to feel such agony and sorrow for her heart cannot hold the pain that I would place upon her if I confessed my unfaithfulness to her. It felt as if eternities have passed as I pondered on my mistake; my wife sat at the wash basin, washing her Snow White face that held the only idea of innocence I have known in my puny existence.

"Hello mi amour." The words rolled off her tongue, uttering only perfection; when she spoke such words to me they would have made my heart flutter with great amounts of joy, but at this moment when I heard those words conveyed to me I did not feel my heart flutter, but I felt it sink further down into my being.

"Good Evening, darling." I spoke, trying with all the strength that I possessed within me, to hide the exceeding amounts of guilt she was making me feel though she had done no wrong; it was all my wrong doing.

"My lovely, why do you come home at such a late hour?" She inquired.

"I left the office and walked about the park for a while." I contained significant amounts of hope that she would not discover my unchaste behavior, and that she would not have any suspensions. As I shed my clothes, the weight I felt was not lightened but it had begun to increase immeasurably. This feeling only got worse as I approached the basin; I glanced in the mirror, and I no longer see what once was, but what is. A man that once was an honorable and respectable one no longer stood before stare back at me but my reflection only showed an empty, soulless shell of a man, whom had betrayed the only woman he had come to love in his existence. It is often said that the eyes are windows to the soul and when I looked into my pale lifeless grey eyes I did not see the pureness of a human soul but did I see something that closely resembled a piece of yellowed papyrus that was stained with the blackest ink that forever ruined it. I splashed my face with the icy water that was no longer warm or clean which closely resembled myself. I turned around only to find a pair of intense piercing blue eyes staring into me as of looking for some truth that I could not provide.

"Let us go to bed you look as if you've had a long day." She put her little hand into mine and tugged at my person towards the bed. She had no idea; she laid me down on our four poster canopy bed that had been draped with heavy ivory toned drapes that kept us hidden and protected from the world, but the dark and tortured world had already gotten its besmirched hands on me and brought much ruin to me. I could not let that happen to my sweet; as I thought this she pulled me close and began to drift off into state of sleep that made her become a sleeping beauty. All I could do is lay awake in my bed and ponder what my life had become.

These many months that have passed have been ones of the utmost torturous I have ever experienced; at the thought of this brings me back to the constantly reoccurring thought "I am my own undoing." I am my own undoing; I am undoing my own perfect bow of life that was tied delicately by the hands of a god and the only tying for which I will do is the tying of my own noose that would provide an end to my lies. My home that once was filled with elation and benevolence was now only filled with despair; the once colorful walls that held such warmth and merriment only show colors as grey as a stormy sky and greens as dull as dying leaves. My feet dragged beneath me as I walked out of bathroom I was confronted with the brisk cold air giving goosebumps, but this provided me with more energy to do what I felt I should do, to push myself to accomplish the task I had been contemplating for several months. I could not continue to live in such pain and agony; the guilt has eaten me away to a shell of the man I once was; I had a continuous sense of emptiness it had felt as if what little soul I had remaining inside of myself had fled my unworthy being. I stepped heavily down the staircase, but as I got further down the stairs I only felt as if I was starting my descent into the fiery pits of hell for I had done no good in the world; I left my no longer humble abode and went to the shed to find my weapon of choice that would help me once again find my peace. I had found the thing that would set me free; this rope had such a rough feeling and to think that this would be the end. I wondered about the land behind my home searching for the perfect tree that I could welcome the angel of death at; One swift glanced around my yard and I had found the perfect one; it was a weeping willow one that had greatly embodies the sadness for which I felt.

After several moments of sitting at the base of the tree, reliving the moments of my pathetic life, and the only that truly made those memories glow was her but I betrayed her and I no longer deserved her. I stood up only to feel my heart sink further, I reached and tied the knot upon the branches of this dainty tree making sure it had a secure knot; the rough twine ran between my fingers and to think such a simple thing would bring my demise but it would be my liberation from my self inflicted prison. I pulled a tree stump for me to place my feet upon; I make a noose and place it around my neck and tighten it to fit my neck. This unforgivable sin for I had done led me to this end just one more step and I would descending down the dark steps into hell; my living wife would be better off without my presence. I stepped off the log, which was the only thing separating me from my peace and liberation, I slowly stepped off it and felt the rope tighten around throat causing my asphyxiation; I felt my I begin to feel my eyes become heavy; this is it my ending to my sad story. I felt my conscious dwindle leaving my last thoughts to be "I was my own undoing".