Nightmares

High Places

I didn't intend to end up here. Didn't intend to be here with him. Not even sure how I got here. Wasn't I just frosting cupcakes? Fighting with a piping bag? Could have sworn I was just inside.. Besides, I wasn't worthy of his presence. He sat below me on the roof rather than the ledge. When I gazed down at him he was biting and picking at his lip. "Stop it. I hate that," I whispered as I pulled his hand away from his mouth. He yanked his hand away and opened an umbrella. I couldn't tell you where it came from. The wind caught it and broke it, yet again.  In and out, in and out. Normal, not normal. Eventually it was gone, not sure where it went. Just gone. Just as I knew he was going to be. He was going to leave again. My stomach dropped and with it, I dropped down next to him. I kissed his cheek. He told me he loved me too. Again,  and again I kissed his cheeks. Each time I got the same response. He loved me too. Even though he gave the same response in the same tone every time my lips touched his cheek, it was a different response every time. Same, but not the same. Again. Again. Again.     Again. Same words, same tone, different answer. Each time he said it, his eyes shone a little brighter. His lips curled up a bit more. His cheeks rosey. He meant it, he didn't mean it. I couldn't tell. 

He was standing on the edge. Not sure how he got there, I couldn't have missed it. I hadn't blinked. Standing on the edge, leaning farther and farther over towards the ground below. "Landon get down." I said and touched his leg gently. He remained silent and leaned farther. "Landon. Get down. Please. Get down you're scaring me."    His face held hatred. Shit, what did I do. "Landon, get the fuck down. Get down. Get Down. GET down. GET DOWN GET DOWN GET DOWN DAMMIT BACK THE FUCK FUCK UP!! GET DO-" He fell. I reached out to grab his ankle, I tried to stop the fall. I tried and I wasn't quick enough. I couldn't catch him. "LANDON!!" No, what had I done. NO. NO NO. Looking down, his head somehow fell through some glass. He was unconscious. 

Suddenly I was inside running through apartments that were connected, why were they connected? Everything was so open. "CALL 911!! CALL 911!! HE FELL HE FELL I COULDN'T HE FELL HELP!!" I screamed as I ran down through the apartments to find my love, who could never be mine. I couldn't run fast, was as if I was stuck in thick syrup. I dragged myself across the grass. I couldn't get to him. He was right there and I couldn't get to him. "Landon!!" The paramedics were already there tending to him, I crawled and crouched next to his head. Pushing his short dirty brown hair away from his eyes. it was soaked with blood. I frantically petted his head. "baby wake up. Wake up. Please, I can't lose you wake up wake up wake up." My tears fell on his cheeks, still frozen in that hateful expression. I needed him to be okay. I looked to the sky to where a higher being should be and screamed. He wouldn't wake, and it didn't look like he ever would.     

My lifeline was gone. I felt a huge jolt and then everything was gone. Gone..