The Broken Crown

Chapter 40

 But then her lips were upon his, first hesitant, and then more and more bold. He wished he could have said that he was reluctant, but he was not, and he wished he could say that he had at least been the one to pull away, but he was not.

 “Do you…” She blushed, smiling a little to herself. “Do you want to… enter?” With a sideway nod she gestured to the door.

 “Oh…” If there was a bit of desperation in his voice he chose to ignore it. “Do you really want that… now?”

 She chewed on her bottom lip nervously. “You mean you don’t.”

 He kissed her lightly. “I don’t want to take away your honour,” he explained. There was more to it, and she knew it. He could tell by the way she looked at him.

 “You’re quite the gentleman.” The brightness in her voice covered over a hollowness that seemed to have been building. He knew that if she was miserable, he had no one to blame but himself.

 “No, I’m not,” he muttered before laying another kiss onto her lips. He could not help himself, even with his hear tugging into two different directions. “You should go to sleep.”

 She sighed. “You keep saying that.”

 “That you should go to sleep?” He frowned, hoping that she would smile.

 “No.” Her blonde locks fell into her face when she looked down. “You keep saying you’re not good enough. Like you don’t deserve me.” When she looked up, her blue eyes were wide with hope. “I wish you would just realize how foolish that is.”

 “I wish you would realize how foolish it is not,” he muttered and she let out a groan of impatience.

 “I love you, Thomas.” She held both of his hands now, pleading him. “Do you love me?”

 The question baffled him, and for a moment, he was rendered speechless. “Of course I do.” A finger trailed through her hair, pushing it from her face. “How could I not?”

 “Please don’t.” There was ice in her voice, something he had never heard before. He wondered if he was the reason for her changing. Because she was changing, slowly and slightly. It was the change that disappointment brought. This is why you weren’t supposed to marry her, you fool, he chastised himself.

 Oblivious to his thoughts, she continued. “Why, then, do you keep rejecting me?”

 “Rejecting…?”

 “Yes. And don’t ask what I mean when it is so obvious.” The edge in her voice was unmistakeable.

 “I don’t…” He trailed off, knowing she was right. He did reject her, even though it felt nothing like it. Why did she have to love him? “I don’t mean to.”

 “Then why?” He would have thought it impossible, but in that moment, Celeste Lamarck was almost frightening.

 “Believe it or not, it is to avoid hurting you… in ways that cannot be remedied.”

 “Tell me.” There was no question in her voice.

 He sighed. “It’s not that simple…”

 “We are to be married,” she exclaimed. “If you can’t tell me, then… then perhaps we should not. Be married, I mean.”

 Even though those words seemed like cold daggers in his chest, he said, “Maybe not.”

 Tears rose to her eyes, and he could see his own reflection in her eyes. “How…”