rrA letter to someone who hurt me
What we had was fleeting in the grand scheme of things, but it meant a lot to me and you know that. You knew it all along but I'm not sure if you really cared. I'm writing to try and finally let you go, because nothing else seems to work.
We fell in love through a series of awkward smiles and harmless flirting. At first it seemed like you would be the one to care more, not me. It seemed like I wouldn't be the one of the two of us sitting on their bed sobbing and wondering if there was ever going to be anything else, a second chance, another chapter.
See what you did was the first time I had ever experienced heartbreak, and boy you didn't hold back. I picked out a beautiful dress and curled my hair and longed for the feeling I got in my stomach when you told me I looked nice and kissed my forehead. But that never came. That feeling I had grown so used to disappeared and was never felt again after you took one look at me and turned away to talk to your friends. You touched other girls legs fondly and gave everyone attention but me, knowing it would hurt. You knew, because I'm a sensitive person. And you know that about me. You know most things about me; how I like my tea, my obsession with Harry Potter and how I spent my childhood. So you knew when you decided to give me the cold shoulder that night that it would hurt. When you tried to make it up to me, I wanted to forgive you because I really did feel strongly about us but you still didn't really try too much. You were convinced the spark was gone and there was nothing I could do. So I've spent many nights crying and missing you, and I go through phases of convincing myself that I don't care, but I do and I'm scared. What if I'm never going to get over you? What if five years from now, I'm still wishing for you to come back? What if every night whether its 2 or 3am, I'm still questioning myself; "Where did I go wrong this time?" Ever since you left I see you in every little thing. I remember how you love kids so much that every time I meet one, they remind me of you. I remember you every time I saw your favorite tv shows, your favorite food, or things you dislike the most. At first it made me smile. But then I remember that everything's over. We're over. I can no longer hear you talk about your day. I can no longer hear the spark in those brilliant blue eyes when you talk about the things you're passionate about. I can no longer hear your rants, your laughter, everything about you. I just don't have it anymore. And it hits me. It hits me hard that I could feel the lump in my throat and the pain in my chest which would usually bring me to tears. I'm weak, indeed. You see, it was never easy for me to let go.
I hope you read this carefully, because I have put my soul into trying to express something you simply couldn't seem to understand. When you held that girls hand and spun her around and kissed her like you used to kiss me, I could feel my heart shatter like glass and I wish you would have thought first, maybe been a bit discreet to save the feelings of someone you said you cared about, but maybe not.
We fell in love in the summer, when the sunshine and I kissed your lips and you felt the warmth of my love. When the cool summer nights brought out the stars shining in both the sky and my eyes. But just like the seasons changed so did we. You see we both fell like the leaves of fall only I fell deeper in love with you; while you fell far out of love with me. Now all I'm left with is the empty trees, because like the leaves that scatter the ground memories of our love have fallen; cracked and discolored.
So, even though you have hurt me, you gently brought me into the world of love, spun me around and threw me back out again, and I hope some day you find a girl that makes you want to dance in it. If you do, treat her well and don't hold back.
From, the girl you hurt.
