The pain is real

How do you cope

"Gwen are you ok? What was that?"

"I don't know Blake. I just had a pain hit me and hit me hard."

"Gwen is the baby ok?"

"Everything is fine cowboy. The pain is gone and I feel fine."

"I really think you need to take it easy. Let's tell them your sick and go home and get some sleep. We can finish taping another day."

"Blake you know we can't do that. I'll be fine. Plus we have all day tomorrow off. Then my two shows."

"You need to promise me something Gwen."

"What's that cowboy?"

"Promise me if you don't feel good or have that pain again you will cancel your shows and tell me. That way we can go to the doctor."

"Cowboy everything is fine so we don't have to worry about that ok?"

"Even if everything is fine just promise me?"

"I promise baby if I feel like anything is wrong I will cancel." He places a sweet kiss on the side of my head.

We spend the rest of our break eating and laying on the couch in my trailer. No one else knows I'm pregnant yet so when Alicia pulls me aside as we are walking in to resume tapping, I'm totally surprised.

"Gwen are you ok? Are you both ok?"

"Yeah Blake and I are fine." Thinking it's so sweet she is checking on us

"Gwen that's not what I meant." My heart stops

"Is it that obvious already?" I say looking at my stomach not seeing any changes that I can tell

"I have never seen Blake move that fast!" We both laugh knowing it's true

"Yeah we are ok, I feel completely normal." We both head back in to get ready to start taping again.
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The next three days flew by crazy fast. My last two shows are over and so is the tour. I'm so depressed the tour is done. It was one of the best experiences. The kids and I just got home from picking them up at school. They are all sitting at the table doing homework. I went to my room to put on some sweatpants and to use the bathroom. The next thing I know I feel like my heart is literally being pulled out of my chest yet again. When I took my pants off I noticed the blood and when I got to the bathroom I realized how much blood. Something is very wrong but I don't need a doctor to tell me what's going on. I had been cramping all day and that combined with the amount of bleeding I'm having, I know I lost the baby.

I lost Blake's baby. Our baby. It feels literally like someone reached inside my chest and literally squeezed my heart in their hands. The tears flow uncontrollably. I think about how I'm gonna tell Blake and how crushed he is gonna be. I cry even harder if that's possible. At this point I'm sobbing and can't control it. Blake isn't here and all I want is to curl up into him and disappear.
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Blake's POV
I'm working at the studio recording some songs we have been playing around with. I'm planning to surprise everyone and pick up our favorite Italian food on the way home. Gwen has been way to busy this past week. She is constantly thinking of others before herself, and I keep trying to tell her that she is pregnant and needs to take it easy. She reassures me that she is fine and she will slow down now that the tour is over. I'm in the middle of a session when I see Kingston's iPad number come up on my phone. I yell cut and tell them I have to take this call.

"Hey King what's up buddy everything ok?"

"Blake something is wrong with mom. She is in your bathroom and she is crying."

"Give her the Ipad King."

"She won't open the door Blake. I'm scared."

"Everything is gonna be ok King I'm leaving the studio know and I'll be there as fast as I can."

The look of fear and terror on his face is breaking my heart. I quickly tell the crew I have to leave and leave right now. My family is the most important thing and they all know that. I get in my truck keeping King on the phone while I drive there. I can hear Gwen sobbing and it's literally killing me. I'm driving as fast as one can drive in this damn city. King is trying to be brave but I can see the tears rolling down his face.

"King have you guys had a snack yet?" I ask him trying to get his mind off of what's going on and give him a job to make him feel useful.

"No not yet."

"Ok I need you to be a man for me and go fix ur brothers something for snack and keep them in the living room so they don't have to know mom is upset ok. Can you do that buddy?"

I see him fix his face, wipe his tears, and straighten up.

"Yeah I can do that."

I tell him that I'm almost there and we hang up. I pull into the driveway, throwing the car in park and jumping out. As soon as I open the door King is standing right there. Right when he sees me he burst into tears. I pull him into a hug rubbing his back. I tell him I'm here now and that everything is going to be ok. Once he calms some I send him into the living room and I sprint up the steps to our room and to the bathroom door.

"Gwen, baby, it's me. Open the door please."