Makayla

"The Book"

I stare blankly at the plain walls they were a kind of cream color. I look around but nothing else besides a plant and picture frames that held pictures of people I've never met and probably never will. I pick one up and I see a boy dressed in his cap and gown a smile placed on his face as he held up his diploma. I set it down as I heard footsteps approaching the door. I turn my head to see a lady dressed in a navy blue pant suit. She walks in slowly sitting down. I look at her with no expression. She stares back at me and pulls out a green folder from her desk. She sets in down in front of me. I stare at it not saying a word. She finally speaks up.

"Makayla, I've talked with you're counselor and she said it would be best if you go to therapy sessions, she says it could help you open up and release everything you have been holding inside, it's unhealthy to keep you're emotions in". She looked up at me desperate for me to say something. 

I look at her not knowing what to say. She is right I have been keeping every single emotion inside and it's hell but it's safe, safe from feeling, actually feeling I couldn't let that happen not after everything I didn't want to be here and I sure as hell didn't want to go to a therapist and spill my life out to them. How would telling someone who probably judges you in the inside every detail, every feeling, when you have yourself which you will never be judged by. 

"I don't want to go and I won't ". I state harshly, not blinking.

She opens her mouth to speak but then stops and sighs. I don't know why people waste there time on me when I won't budge. I won't just pour my life out to everyone especially the things that haunt me the things I regret or wish have never happened. Why would I want to relive every detail about my past when all it does is hurt me. I grabbed my bag and left the room silently. I walk the quiet streets to my house staying quiet as I approach the door. I turn the handle hoping my parents are out. As I open the door slowly I see my mother sitting on the couch on her phone, nothing new. I look around hoping my dad wasn't here. I walk past my mom but her eyes glued to her phone not noticing my existence at all. I don't care though I walk into my room and sit on my bed. I plug in my phone and sit at my laptop when I hear the door slam shut. I pop my head out of my door to see my dad angrily looking through the cabinets. I thought about what he could have been looking for but let it go and slipped back into my blue room. I sat back down finishing up my English paper. I shut the lid and slipped my shoes on and darted out of my room to the front door but I am stopped by my dad's voice. 

"Where the hell do you think you are going"? He asked in an ugly tone. 

"On a walk". I reply sternly. 

"No you're not". He shouts as if I can't hear him. 

"Why not". I ask regretting leaving my room at all. 

"Because I said that's why, now get you're ass back in you're room". He yells.

"No". I said sternly wishing I hadn't been born. He walked swiftly over to me. Glaring with a death look.

"What did you just say" he asks in a pissed tone.

I answer back with "I'll just be right back, I need air". 

He looks furious. He pushes me to the ground kneeling down to me. "You don't talk me like that, you hear me". He screams in my ear. I push him away but he grabs my hair and starts dragging me across the floor I scream in  pain and tug at his hands but his grip is too tight. He opens my bedroom door and throws me into my room and slams the door. I wanna cry but I don't I can't I don't cry I just don't. I stay in my room the rest of the night. 

 I wake up to the blinding light seeping from my window. I get up rubbing the sleep out of my eyes but I am interrupted by a knock at the door. I get up and open it slowly it's my mom. 

She looks at me with no smile nor sadness. " Honey you have therapy after school today and I'm taking you". 

Ugh I told that lady I won't go but does anyone seem to listen no never. I mean what did I expect she was my Social worker after all. She was bound to make me go. I hated the idea but I decided to go, but I wasn't going to tell a single soul anything, no matter what. 

I answer back with a simple "Okay" and shut my door to get ready for school. I always seem to struggle finding what to wear. Mostly because I had a boyfriend to impress. I through on jeans, a black t shirt, and boots. I straightened my hair and laced my eye lashes with mascara, brushed my teeth, and headed for the bus. I got in slowly, dreading having to go to school but I loved it at the same time because it was my escape from my home life. I walked through the school doors and down to my grades wing. I stood there making little conversation and then headed inside. When I got to my locker I shoved my belongings inside and slammed it shut. I darted to English and sat in my seat. After listening to her go on and on about random shit the bell rang and so did the other 4 periods. I walked into the lunch room and sat down next to me my friend Camilla blabbing about her ex and also obsessing with the cute messages she receives from her new boyfriend. I try not to look annoyed and wait for Scott to come and sit down. We talk about random topics and are known as the weird cute couple as far as my best friend  Dove states sitting close by with Fionix across the way. After leaving lunch and going to the locker room for gym I strip from my clothes but feel uncomfortable I mean undressing in front of several girls in not on my priority list. Mrs. Bitch yells fit day. Yayyyyy! Sarcastic of course. We have to lunge backwards and so I did then jogging a nice girl from my class hollers that I need to jog backwards so I did being my gullible self and everyone laughs. I left gym humiliated. After six period I dread walking to my moms car. I open the car door and hop into the passenger seat. She drives me to a tall silver building I step out and she drives away saying nothing. I walk inside to the cold room and approach the desk. I tell the lady my name and she smiles and points to the door down the hall. I walk in slowly and sit down completely silent. 

"You must be Makayla" She says.

"Yeah..." I say awkwardly. 

"Listen this is how it's going to go I'm going to give you this". She slid a book in front of me. "And instead of telling me everything you feel and all you're past, write it down, everything, for every time you come you are going to write in this book and i will not read it".

Me confused by all of this stares but then asks, "How do I know you won't and why would I waste my precious time writing my life down in a book". 

" I won't because it has a lock and you'll have the key and even tho the book stays here I can't get inside it, and would you rather me have you spill everything out to me or write it down"? 

"Fine". I say as the words haunt me. I then realized I was going to write down everything I had to write it all out but I was indeed afraid of this book because it will be holding my thoughts, feelings, past, present, my whole life.

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AUTHORS NOTE: I know this is different from what I usually write but I took a suggestion from a friend and decided to try it for once. Please comment and vote! Good or bad I want to know! I will update tomorrow! Bye XD