Tearing thoughts

Chapter 1. Felix

I look around finding myself, awake, from my slumber, I smell pancakes in the air, I question where I am. Mother never cooks, I'm always cooking for the younglings. I get out of bed and pick out my favorite outfit, a white t-shirt under a leather jacket and some nice blue comfy jeans. I walk down stairs, seeing hat my little siblings haven't woke yet. I let my rather low voice flow out of my mouth, "your in a good mood, what's the occasion?" My mom sneered, "very funny, well since the young is starting to learn, I don't want you to 'influence' them" she started, she paused, allowing me to proceed to process the information. "So we are going to give you a temporary foster home" I show a weird look, in my family, 'temporarily' means forever. I breathe down tears, "your giving me away?" I asked in disbelief, "yes Felicia" she replied, "I'm not Felicia, I'm Felix, and I'm not your child" I shot a harsh look as I ran upstairs to pack my bags and to cry, I let cold emotional salty tears. 'Your worthless, not even your mom wants you' a whisper I hear, or at least I think it was a whisper. "Who is that? Show your self!" No reply, 'wow you're so crazy you talk to yourself' I realize it's my thoughts. I decide not to let that bother me, as I finished packing. My little brother, max, walks in my room "where are wou gowing big swissy?" He asks, I reply "remember? I'm your big brother, and I'm leaving, forever" I explained to the young 5 year old, "why?" He asked, "is it becawse I stowe youwre chocowete?" He continued his question, me laughing, "no, it's not because you stole my chocolate, although that made me very upset" I pout a fake pout. "It's because mommy doesn't love me anymore. But don't worry, I will be back once I'm 18, okay? Just stay safe for me and take care of your little sister for me?" I said, thinking that the young 5 year old would just make an empty promise, but still, worth a shot. "Okay" he says leaving the room. I go downstairs with my bags, look at my mom one last time with a mean hurt look, I let a cracked voice out saying "I'm ready" she looks at me with a blank expression, hands me my papers as I put them in the front pocket of my backpack where I know it's safe, I sit in the car and watch my mom walk inside the car as well, her starting the engine to ol' rusty. As my so called 'mom' drives we sit there in silence for a decent 4-5 hours, I didn't care, I just cared about my younger siblings. 'Your so messed up, you don't love your own flesh and blood, your own mother' the thoughts flood my head. I notice I tear up, I can't stop, the thoughts are winning, what is this? I start to feel the want of hurting myself, my mom, and my world. We finally get there and I push my thoughts as I open the car door hesitantly.