Dear diary
I'm sorry for existing
But Trust if I had one brave bone in my body , I would have got up from my bed right now , not even bothering to write one more letter and walked right into the kitchen to find a good knife to slit my wrists , but I'm not brave , god I'm not even shy , I'm not smart , I'm not beautiful , I'm not funny , I'm not bad, I'm not important, I'm not special enough to be loved , I guess I'm just there , what a waste ? I feel sorry for people who have to put with my presence ,I feel even sorry for myself , if only I have courage , but a gain what do you expect from "nothing ", exactly .
nothing
I'm not depressed , at least I don't think I am , I mean I don't take any medications , but again I don't talk to people about my feelings since I put suitable distance with my classmates and my family members , the only conversation I held with my classmates is related to school,so i doubt anyone will think i'm depressed, beside they just call me the quiet one , i like it , kind of
And my family , well my family , i'm laughing right now at how the word family taste in my mouth , like some bitter medication I have to take ,maybe I'm bad person for thinking that or maybe it's normal , and it's just phase ,but honestly I don't know what's normal and what's not
Is it normal to go to sleep every night praying to not wake up , to die while you sleep
Is it normal to hate your father so much you think of killing him while actually you're jealous of every girl whose' loved by her father
Is it normal to want your brother to just leave, no longer exist in your life
Is it normal to want to be mute so you won't listen to your mother insults anymore?
Maybe every word I write is selfish , then maybe I'm selfish and not just " nothing"
