Dear reader,
You are mostly likely someone who knows me. Please don't send me to a guidance counselor or some shit cause of this book. I don't need my parents worrying about a pathetic piece of shit like me. So on with why I hate myself .
7:40 am
I hate myself so much because I'm a fat,ugly,stupid,weird,depressed,suicidal freak.
I could go on with names for myself but i won't cause that will take too long. I found something I'm not suppose to have and I wanna use it because I make all my friends feel like shit because I'm a drama queen. I really want to die and everyone thinks that that's just something I say and it's a joke but it's not. I could kill myself right now but I don't because I know that I have people in my life who care about me yet I still want to die. There's mainly only a few reasons I won't kill myself and one of them is my best friend Jess. She needs me so much and has it worse yet here I am wanting to die. I have a good life with both my parents,dogs,only 1 sibling, and a house yet she doesn't have most of those things. I really want to cut. That's all I have to say because it's true. I try not to and I try not to talk about my depression because people have it worse. I have to talk about it someway or else I will hurt myself. So that's what I'm doing right now. I just aged these thoughts and voices telling me all these names and telling me to kill myself. My mood constantly changes from happy to sad to angry to depressed in a matter of minutes. I try to hide it but sometimes I can't. I know that no one will ever love or like me and I doubt my ex ever liked me at all. I still can't get over my ex even though he's gone and out of my life. I can't get over him even though he's the reason we broke up. He is one thing that made me feel happy for that short month till I found out that he cheated on me. But I don't blame him cause that girl was prettier and skinnier and a whole lot better than me. I try to forget about him but I can't cause he's best friends with my best friend and it hurts to know that he doesn't like me or thinks about me. Last night he posted something on his snapchat about fining his crush even though it was a joke and it hurt me and I have no idea why. We've been broken up for 6 months. I want to cut but I've been clean for about 4 months now and it kills me not being able to do it. I have to go and get ready to go to hell and disappoint every one again.
Sincerely, a depressed,suicidal freak
