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Dream - Dazai Osamu x Reader

Warnings: Suicide (well, Dazai, bro). 
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"Oh. So you're back again."

Blinking in confusion, Dazai's senses were a tempestuous whirl of overwhelming perceptions - soft was the lap his head was resting so comfortably upon, it accommodated him nearly perfectly, the closest thing to perfect that he would ever find within this dull, crooked world; the blunt yet softly spoken words were ringing inside his ears like a strangely melodic discord within his head; a faint, lingering scent swathed him in its fragrant essence, so familiar that it wrought a raw wistfulness from his core; he gazed up into (e/c) eyes that looked a little sad but wholly accepting - resigned.

Oh. So it was a dream.

He also vaguely acknowledged tasting something alluringly bittersweet as if he had recently kissed you again.

"You're so beautiful..."

The suddenly spoken words had taken you aback, you subtly flinched at his voice before a fond smile slowly spread across your lips that were open in a small sigh. "Yeah, yeah. Hey, tell me something - how many women have you told that one today?"

Just as spontaneously Dazai had whispered that line, his demeanor abruptly changed as he clicked his tongue in a dramatic play of theatrics. Snapping his fingers, he chirped playfully, "Argh, you got me there. As always, you see right through me. But, although I've seen my share of lovely, exotic beauties, none of them were as wondrous as you, (Name)-chan."

"Charming." You rolled your eyes slightly before biting your lip, nibbling at it anxiously as your fingers threaded through his mussed brunette locks while you were lost in thought. "How much longer are you going to keep doing this?"

"You mean these pleasant little conversations of ours, (Name)-chan? Oh, how I do enjoy basking in your soothing, adoring presence, your gentle fingers combing through my hair. Now, if only you would wrap those loving hands around my neck-"

" ...you can't live like this, Osamu." You murmured plaintively, your hands clenching into fists, nails scraping against his scalp and inadvertently causing a painful yanking of his curly brown tresses. When he winced, you shot him an apologetic look, releasing your hold on his hair. Before you could completely withdraw from his head, like a child seeking contact, he grabbed your hands and returned them to their place entangled within his hair.

"Don't stop. Keep going, please." Dazai was giving you what was almost a vulnerable expression and you couldn't bring yourself to deny him that pleasure, that right. He had already been deprived of so many things, so you continued to pet him in hopes of stroking along his damaged soul, to fill in the crevices if only for an ephemeral moment.

"You... make me really sad, you know." You mumbled, lips quivering along with the tremor that washed over your frail body. "Look at you, a broken man clutching with a fool's desperation onto a mere-"

"(Name)." You immediately cut off your words and swallowed thickly but your throat was dry. An anguished shudder wracked your spine. "Go ahead. Call me pathetic." Dazai's rusted brown eyes had glazed over, revealing the jaded truth that laid underneath. "It doesn't matter how I live because I never really was living in the first place. Let me have my way... even if this is only a meaningless illusion, not even first-rate fantasy but a dream within a dream."

This place is an oxidizing world of a dream, huh?

"Let me dream beautifully for once."

One of your shaking hands flew to your pained face and you cried, "Do you know how much it hurts that I'm the terrible, vile reason that you're not living? You continue to breathe through each and every new day, yet you never move, stuck at a stagnant standstill within this memory of an irretrievable past. ...I'm supposed to be the dead one, Osamu."

"I fucked up." His voice was low and hoarse with an unfathomable agony which penetrated into extensive, still unknown depths - a perpetual torment that he normally restrained and masked with meticulous, cautious attention. "First Odasaku, then you... (Name), why did it happen this way? We were supposed to die together, you and me both - in the most spectacular way we would leave this insufferable world via a force reset and start anew."

"No..." You shook your head with an empty smile, tear droplets gathering at the corners of your (e/c) eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't enough. I'm sorry that I couldn't make you want to live." A couple splashes of water bloomed onto his skin, trailing from his cheeks down the sides of his face as he looked up at you with a hollow expression. "I'm sorry that I caused us to die. This was a mistake - we were two suicidal people that never should have met. It's all my fault. Even now I'm holding you back. I wish I didn't exist."

His eyes widened in despair as he sat up in a hurried jerk of a movement and turned to you, his hands flying to frame your face, caressing your wet cheeks. "How could you say that, (Name)?" His hands slid down to your shoulders, clutching almost painfully tight at them as if they feared of letting go. "You did nothing wr-"

"Osamu, it's time to wake up." You tilted your head and offered a final, tearstained smile as Dazai grimaced at a phantom blow to the head before collapsing backwards, falling into a seemingly bottomless void before his back hit an unprecedented, cold, hard floor.

Light pervaded his vision as Dazai's chestnut brown optics snapped open. "Kunikida-kun! How dare you wake me up in so harsh a fashion! Aw, and I was having such a nice dream too..." The bespectacled male was crossing his arms indignantly, gripping at a rolled up newspaper that he had obviously used to whack Dazai with on the head, causing the priorly napping man to roll off the Armed Detective Agency's couch.

"Sleeping on the job? Again?!" Kunikida's eye twitched as he impatiently tapped his foot. "If you're going to sleep, then make sure that you never wake up, you bandage-wasting device!"

"You don't understand what you just interrupted! Oh, to be held within the loving arms of a beautiful, mutually suicidal woman-"

"Get your mind out of the clouds, idiot!" Kunikida pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a disgruntled scowl upon his face. "No such woman exists!"

His mindless, instinctually sarcastic retort was unknowingly an inadvertent act of cruelty and Dazai's impish grin faltered momentarily before his lips curled back into that perpetual fake smile of his. "Haha, yeah, I guess you may be right."

No such woman exists...

At least, not anymore.

Extra Blooper:

You: ...I'm supposed to be the dead one, Osamu.

Dazai: I fuzzed up.

You: What.

Dazai: Yeah.

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Basically, this fic is loosely based on how irl Dazai Osamu had tried to commit a double suicide with one of his first lovers, but survived while she had died.

*Anyways, this actually isn't the original idea I had been writing for Dazai. This particular idea jumped out of no where, and it's pretty short, so I could compose it in a few hours and relieve the writer's drought. I'm sure you were all thirsty for me to write at least something... even if it was angst and er- lots of you want to kill me now huh? xD

Lol, but do not fret, for I have two other fanfics planned for Dazai Osamu (yes, I'm that obsessed with this character)! Obviously, this one was angst, and to be honest, the others will also probably/most certainly have angsty undertones if not overtones, but I haven't decided on the endings yet. There is still hope for happiness (lol I hope)!