Cupid's Arrow or Dead Vampires Don't Sparkle

Cupid's Arrow

"Ten-oh-four, International Portkey from London," the clerk announced as a group of witches and wizards picked themselves up from the floor and collected their belongings; a pair of sunglasses here, a Wireless pimped out with twenty-eight speakers there. Fortunately, Ron had asked his dad to add a Featherweight Charm to it and everyone was carrying Bottomless bags.

"Hello America!" hollered Harry, taking the lead. "And good morning to you, sir! What a beautiful day!"

"Morning," the clerk replied, looking a bit cross. Another bunch of tourists on holiday, no doubt. How he hated those self-aggrandised little pricks.

"Alright, everyone!" Harry said. "I've rented the cars, they should be waiting for us outside."

"It's very interesting that American wizards use cars on a daily basis," Hermione said. "They're much more integrated with-"

"Yes, yes, I'm sure it's fascinating, Hermione, but we're here on holiday," Harry interrupted her quickly. "An enormous house with a pool is waiting for us and weather is supposed to be great."

Outside, a duo of two of the biggest cars any of them had ever seen were waiting to drive them to their destination, all tinted windows and chrome wheels.

"Ah!" exclaimed Seamus. "I think I might've gone a bit blind."

"That's ridiculous," Hermione argued. "How can you go a bit blind?"

Despite Hermione's fact-lecturing tendencies, the company of nine got into the cars and the chauffeurs were soon speeding down the road.

"What's the place called again?" Ron called from the back seat. "Spoons?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's Forks, Ronald."

"Oh, yeah," the driver said. "Your place is in the woods, a real nice area, but you might wanna watch out for the neighbours."

"Why's that? I thought there weren't any muggles living nearby."

"Nah, they're not muggles," the driver said. "They're a family of vampires."

There were some shrieks from the passengers present, but Harry kept the situation under control.

"Calm your tits, chaps, calm your tits," he urged. "We got rid of Voldemort, what's a bunch of vampires?"

"You shouldn't have any problems, really," the driver assured them. "They only feed on animals. If you don't bother them, everything should be fine."

~~oOo~~

"Ron, stop jerking off and get the barbecue going!" Harry yelled from the other side of the pool.

"Alright, alright! Can't a bloke admire his girlfriend for a moment?"

"Ron, I can still see your dick," Seamus said loudly. "Would you kindly hide it?"

"But you can barely see it," Luna remarked, squinting her eyes. "Especially from this angle."

"Luna!" exclaimed Lavender, though it wasn't clear if she was angry or just excited.

"Where is my Hogwarts: A History?" Hermione demanded, more than a little panicked. "I swear, if it's at the bottom of the pool..."

"Oh, please, Hermione," Harry said, flipping a page in his copy of Quidditch Through The Ages. "For once in your life don't think about books and have some fun."

~~oOo~~

"Edward, love," Bella said softly, leaning towards him. "Be careful or you'll break the piano."