You're ready

You're sitting at your desk. You know it's time to go. You've said this to yourself over a million times. But this time, you know for sure it's real. You're tired, you're just so very tired. Your parents pissed you off, like school wasn't bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or just, whatever you choose to use because you're that desperate to leave, you're ready. You think of it as some game. Whoever dies first wins.  No-one's home. It's the perfect time. You're ready.  If you don't do it now, you're just going to look down on yourself even more forever, you're going to hate yourself even more. No-one knows. No-one will know.  Until later on. Instead of getting a piece of paper and a pen, you grab the camera, along with a chair. You're standing on the chair. You decide to go with the rope. Gone, instantly,  no-one to stop you. No noise, nothing. Just the depressing silence. One side of the rope is tied to your celing fan, while the other is already around your neck. You're in tears and you know that it's for real this time, you can feel it. You turn on the camera and you just stare at the red light, blinking at you. you start to mumble out a few words, "mum, and dad, I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm sorry but I'm so, so sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I don't even know who i am anymore.  I've lost myself, and i don't seem to be able to find my way back. Please, please don't blame yourself. I love you both so, so much, please tell my siblings the same. Stay strong and stay safe.  I'll see you all soon." You say sorry to your best friend because you know that you won't be there for them anymore. Especially when they need you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you can think of. Even yourself. You're sorry for not being strong anymore. You're sorry for breaking down. You're sorry for putting them through so much. You stare, once again at that blinking red light, blinking in your eyes. One foot is off the chair now. As you begin to mouth the word 'goodbye', you turn off the camera with the remote control. As soon as you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chair, that chair is on the floor, the room is filled with silence. You're dead. You're gone. There's no going back.  Everything is over. There's no living in pain anymore. But everyone else does. They live in sadness. The people who bullied you? They're depressed. They've blamed it all on themselves. They'll never bully anyone again, they have eating disorders, everything. Your parents? They still can't cope with your death. They're also depressed. Your brothers and sisters don't know what to do anymore. You were the person that they looked up to, but now that you're gone, they don't know what to do, they're lost. Your teachers? Their lessons aren't the same without you. They're depressed. They miss you.  And your best friend? They're a mess. They have nothing to live for anymore, they're extremely depressed. They can't stop self harming and trying to kill themself. They hate themself. They just want you back. They haven't uttered a word since they heard that you had gone. Nobody's happy now that you're gone. So please, please don't do it. No-one will benefit from it. Suicide doesn't end the possibility of your life getting worse, it destroys the possibility of it getting any better.