Hi I'm Florence, Flora if you will. I live in Essex, i have done since the age of 4, or should i say since my mother passed away. I use the term 'passed away' because it would be my pleasure to ensure that it was a peaceful death, but this was not the case. My mother, Diane Millington, committed suicide in 2003. I was always 'too young to understand' and to be completely honest, at the age of 15, i still believe i am. She was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when she was 16, this scares the shit out of me as i have heard it can be genetic. I have already developed the severe anxiety and depression that she carried from a young age. I only know brief amounts about the mental illness, but I know enough to know when I need to get checked out by the doctors.
Anyway, I live in my dwelling, with my step mom, dad and 2 brothers; Lucas and Freddie. My step mom is currently pregnant with my baby sister, Isla. In a way I am delighted, I mean of course I am- I have always desired a sister. However the image of getting isolated from my father again, infuriates me. My father has always been there for me, sometimes more than others but that couldn't be helped. When Freddie, my younger brother, was born everything revolved around him. Not much attention was paid towards either me or my elder brother Lucas. My depression became awful and alongside that I was diagnosed with anxiety. I remember it clearly, entering doctor Carins room and him asking me a lot of questions, it was very patronising as although I knew it would help in the long term, I wanted to conquer it by myself. This was my life, and opening up to what I felt was personal and unnecessary in my opinion. Looking back now, constantly thinking I didn't need help was by far my biggest regret. I have a lot of regrets.
My father signed me up for a support group when I was eleven, that is when I met Olive, my best friend. We instantly clicked and from that day I knew we were going to become great friends. Of course I was right. I'm always right, or atleast I like to think so. She has helped me through so much- The thing about Liv is that she sees the positives in you when you can only see the negatives. And of course she had problems of her own- such as her eating disorder, but she always puts everyone else before herself. And I did the same for her, I like to think that we help one another through each others problems, I know I've definitely helped her even if she doesn't know it herself. Liv used to be timid and afraid. Afraid of people supporting her- like I was. We understood each other, and I could always rely on her as a shoulder to fall on- something my mother did not have, as she isolated herself from people because of her illness.
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This was Floras beginning, chapter 2 will be about voices starting in her head, hope you enjoyed Thankyou for reading and sorry it was boring x
