Hush, Hush

7

I mumbled, "I'm sorry... I—I have to go for a second." I slung my napkin onto my chair and began to head towards the front of the restaurant, wiping at my eyes as I kept from sniffling. The hostess said something as I rushed past, but I was too focused on getting fresh air.

Pushing open the door, I felt a hot gust of summer air buffet my body and cause a few pieces of hair to blow into my face. I stopped by a bench on the sidewalk and brushed the hair out of my eyes and mouth, finally allowing myself to breathe. The tears blurred my view of the street as I sat on the bench, hugging my arms around myself in an attempt to offer comfort.

"Is it okay if I sit?"

I lifted my head and ran my fingers over my eyes to see Bucky standing at the end of the bench, his face drawn in worry. I pressed my lips together and nodded. He stepped around and slowly sat down, not quite knowing where to put his hands. Bucky kept a small bridge of space from me though, but I could still very well feel him sitting beside me.

He toyed with his fingers as they sat in his lap, his eyes flickering over to me constantly as I sniffled and wept silently. Bucky then gazed around at the street, his eyes narrowed against the glare of the sun before he took a deep breath and decided to span the silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly.

I blew out my cheeks and sniffled, shaking my head. I scoffed, "Where could I even begin...?"

"Where would you want to begin?" Bucky slightly tilted his head and I met his searching gaze, hating that my face was probably puffy and covered in red splotches.

On the long and twisted road I've been on, I didn't know which place to bring up again. It was all just a mess and it started the very moment I met the man sitting beside me. He was one of the greatest people to have been a part of my life, besides being a lover, and he helped me get to the place I am at this moment. I had my own apartment, my own job that I loved and worked hard at, friends that I know will have my back, and a man who loved me very sincerely. Yet, all I wanted was to give in to my desire for Bucky.

He hesitantly reached out and laid his hand over my arm, his hand was clammy against my skin but I couldn't care less. He was touching me and my heart-rate skyrocketed at the contact. It was wrong the way I was reacting to him, except I didn't make a move to get away. Then, Bucky's arm brushed mine and I made a decision.

I released a deep sigh and relaxed, leaning into his solid frame and allowing my temple to lie on his shoulder. He stiffened beneath me before allowing himself to ease into my touch, his head coming to rest on top of mine, and he didn't make a further move. Bucky was familiar to me and he still smelled like he did back in college; a soft cologne and clean laundry. It offered a sense of safety I dearly missed. Most of all, I just missed him.

So I began by telling him just that.

"I missed you."

Bucky admitted, "I missed you too."

It wasn't a kiss like I dreamed many times before. It wasn't a proclamation of love. It was just sitting next to each other in a comfortable silence; his hand on my arm, his cheek pressed to the top of my head, and a ghost of a smile marking my lips.

—
When I arrived back at my apartment, my feet ached deeply to the point I began to kick my classiest dress shoes off as I was unlocking the door. The lights were on when I stumbled through the door, keys jangling in my fingers and briefcase already dropping to the floor when I bent down to set my pair of brown dockers by a few other pairs of shoes. I knew Sam was here because the lights were on.