What They Don't Tell You At Eighteen
You're going to want to do reckless shit
You are going to try and prove a point
Show yourself to the world
You are going to rebel
Choosing to stay at that party an extra hour
Since all your friends are doing it
The layout of red cups intrigues
And you are going to make bad decisions on purpose
Sneaking out at midnight to see your boyfriend
Crossing your fingers hoping
Your parents don't hear
The squeaky wooden floors
People are going to ask you what's wrong
And you will tell them you're just trying to figure out
who you are
You're making mistakes now
Because those types of regrets
Aren't allowed
in the adult world
You are going to lose your best friend
It's going to rip your heart in two
But you are going to see it coming
Your name is going to light up on her phone
And she's going to put her phone
Back in her purse
And later claim,
"Sorry. I never got your message."
She's going to be short tempered
Snap back at you
And you are going to wonder why you two had to change
From braces and pigtails
To cigarettes and sex
The guy you used to be in love with is going to move on
He will fall in love with another girl
Oh so similar to you
And you are going to find yourself comparing
She is going to have dark soft curls like you
And a smile that'll make him melt
Her curves fit into his cupped palms
Just the way yours did
He is going to ask you how you are
And you're going to proudly say things are going really well
You have a boyfriend
And he makes you happy
But then you'll wonder
You and your ex
won't speak of the past
again
You are going to obsess over college applications
And some of your friends will tell you they are almost done
And some will tell you they don't know where to start
Some will tell you they're going ten states west
And some will say twenty minutes away
And you will be stuck
Wondering if you were destined to die in this bland old city
Feet glued on the ground
planner pages left blank
Or leave your comfort zone for
Breath-capturing adventures
And delicacies you could scarcely fathom even existed
Like fried Oreos
And pumpkin velvet cake
You are going to start taking your parents for granted
unfortunately
You will realize that it's happening
but it's an old habit that's dying hard
You will bicker
You will hate
And often you will forget
that you were the only human to have ever heard
your mother's heart beat from the inside
And you will forget they're getting older, too
And you will be an adult just like them
You will say you don't want to be anything like them
You'll slam a door in their face
But you will find yourself like them
Inside and out
What they don't tell you at eighteen
Is you're going to get stuck
You're going to lose yourself one too many times
Battle-scarred and wounded
Curious and confused
You are going to wonder how those eighteen years went by
How all of this has changed
And the world has tilted in moments
And yet
You're here
In this moment
At 18
Alive
Chaotic
And an absolute
Mess
