Lost at Heart

chapter one

"Everyone, hold on! We'll be sending more lifeboats out soon enough!" Women and children were screaming, men diving into the water and their wives screaming for them not to get themselves killed. Rough hands reached over past my tear soaked face as a man dragged his own child onto another lifeboat with him and his wife as he fought through the chaotic crowd. I was frozen in place, tears welling in my eyes as my family was nowhere in sight.

"M-Mama... Papa..." I cried out as the tears began to fall freely again. "Wh-where are you?" A family of five ran past me, knocking into my shoulder and nearly sending me tumbling into the floor. I fell to my knees amidst the crowd and rubbed my eyes with my tiny fists.

"Mama and Papa h-have to find me, right?" I tried to let myself believe in fantasies as someone nearly tripped on my legs.

"Everyone, calm down! We need to lower this lifeboat before anyone else can board!" Officers shouted hectically across the deck, trying to keep the chaos at bay, but to no avail. People didn't heed their warning and frantically clambered onto the next lifeboat.

"Lower it! Lower it! Lower!" a woman screeched as she clutched her child closer to her, both crying. Where was Mama? Where was Papa? Strong arms picked me up which surprised me but I didn't resist as they sat me down right beside the lifeboat.

"Sir, there's a line for a reason," the officers shouted at him.

"This little girl deserves to go off the ship. We need the young to survive," the man said calmly before someone else aimed a fist toward his face.

"What the hell is this? You and your stupid daughter can quit cryin' and wait like the rest of us," he shouted angrily. I was dragged through the crowd again, kicking and screaming, away from the lifeboat. The officer shouted at the man, and he stopped carrying me and sat me down again. The officer took me back over to the lifeboat and sat me on it as the last passenger.

"But, Mister," I squeaked out as I sniffled, "what about Mama and Papa?" He shook his head as he began turning the crank to lower the boat.

"Wait! Mister!" I cried out to no avail, no voices to hear me, no family to care. I curled up and hugged my knees as other families embraced each other.

I shook my head furiously as I sprung out from under my covers. Not my nightmare again. Except it was no nightmare. It was real, all too real. I never understood why life had a funny way of devastating everything in the blink of an eye, and probably never will.

"Ava or whatever the hell your stupid mum named you, get up," my pathetic father spat from outside my doorway before stomping away, probably to another bottle. This is what I've put up with for the past ten years since my life changing incident. My mom never made it out of the ship, so both of us were left heartbroken, considering I was just a little kid at the time. My dad had been extremely frail at the time. His mental state only deteriorated from there. Now, I'm just something for him to take his anger out on. Anything would be better than living with him.

"Yeah, whatever," I yelled down the hallway as I cracked my door open. Lighter footsteps drew my attention to the doorway as my step brother yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"Morning, Avril," he sighed as he turned to head into the kitchen. I grinned as I applied my nude lipstick, glad Mason's always been a shoulder I could lean on, especially when Leon had his late night drunk breakdowns.

"Morning, Mase," I yelled down the hallway before I heard the sound of glass shatter on the cold, tiled kitchen floor and Leon screaming curse words at the top of his lungs. I winced at what was becoming a nearly daily event; "excuse for a father figure" breaks something, wakes up neighbors, gets yelled at, makes me clean up the mess, and walks away unscathed.