Maybe

Math.

Today on Google the word maybe has one meaning as a noun. As a noun it means a mere possibility or probability.  That is all we are today in this time is a probability in this math problem we call life. Some of us have no clue where we go and others know exactly where they belong. That is what separates us as people. That is what makes us unique and special in our emo, nerdy, or preppy way.  We all think we know where we go and where we came from but if it was all wrong? What I had come from Mars and you the person reading this was my parent? What would you say then? I sure as hell know I would freak out. That is how we get to know five friends who didn't know that they were something more than just five life long friends all going to school together. They have no idea what is coming there way. *BOOM* Didn't see that coming did you? Oh you did? Okay then just read the damn thing. 

Ransom, I guess you could call the leader of the group; helps me to my dorm room after a rough night out with friends. I had been really stressed lately and I thought if I went out with friends that I would have a good time and relax a little. I had been behind on my work and I couldn't sleep. It was all my fault anyway I just had to start having feelings for my teacher. I mean who couldn't she is amazingly gorgeous and very intelligent. She is a traveler and she just got back from a 4 month trip to Brazil. Every now and then you can still hear a bit of her accent. If I didn't mention before my name is Eretria. I recently came out as gay to my folks but my friends have known since junior high. I'm 22 and a senior in college. I go to Radford University. I'm just like any other girl in there 20's, I just want to get a good job and do good in life but shit just had to start going south. I couldn't sleep because I had had this crazy dream with my professor in it. My friends don't even know yet except my friend Dylan. Him and I have friends since birth and we lived next to each other all our lives. Ransom and Dylan are twin brothers but I just never connected with Ransom like I did with Dylan. We have always had each others back. Now Dylan is dating Ransom best girl friend Sara. She started dating Dylan, God knows when. They have been connected to the hip since 5th grade. Then there is Cassie. Cassie is my best friend she is so great. She knows exactly what I am thinking even when I'm not sure what I'm thinking. Having them as friends has been great but there is something huge that none of them know. I have Pancreatic Cancer. It is very rare and it isn't common among my age group but I got it. I have been stressing over the number of survival rate which is 7%. Can you believe that? I have only started my life and now that I hear that I might lose it within one year. Life fucking sucks. 

It's Monday and no surprise that I still have a hangover from the night before. Who knew that if you drank four bottles of cherry vodka that you could still feel like shit. Feeling like I'm going to throw up but it's not like anything is going to come up. I haven't eaten in five days. One of the symptoms of my cancer is loss of appetite which sucks because no matter what I did growing up, I was always eating. I can't remember a time when I wasn't eating. When Dylan broke his arm I had a snickers and when Cassie got stuck on the roof I was eating a taco (a story for later). It's funny to think that I might not have good times like that in one years time. It's also funny that I can't get the courage to tell my friends that I am dying. I mean aren't they going to notice when my hair starts falling out or that I don't eat. I wish that I could have one more adventure with them before I leave.