Thoughts

first night

me.....

what exactly am i...no what is my destiny...thats not right either....why am i here?...

i can't figure out the right thing to ask myself...

all these seem right but wrong at the same time...

i sit here and think to myself..is my destiny my death am i a creature made to destroy and die..

why does it seem like thats who i am and if thats what i am supposed to be why does that

bother me?...

i am not special like those people out there all those writers singers artists and stuff i am ordinary...

no i am less than ordinary...i have no problem with that but why?...why does it bother the rest?..

why  does my mom hate me for not being good in myth for not getting my drivers license fast enough...

why can't she let me be all this constant yelling at me makes nothing better....

why does my dad drink and scream at me.. why does he hurt everyone...and why am i the only one

that won't forgive him....

why do my sisters hate me...why do they think i am the cause of all of their suffering no matter what..

and why won't they let me go to someone to talk to.. do they think their reputation will be harmed even tho their daughter has become a psychopath...

Every fucking day of my life i wonder why i am not dead yet and why the others aren't as well

i sit here wishing for nothing more than get up and cut them to pieces...they think i am joking whn i tell them

i will come by at night and murder them..Haha...what a joke.....

why am i thinking like that and why are those questions hunting me?...i don't know

and you probably don't understand...heh i bet you haven't even bothered to take this serious

have you... you think i am just another one of those depressed teens wanting attention but dear i do not think like that

i would love to murder everyone see them burn in hell

but people are never going to know what i think or if this is real...no i keep it hidden for as long as it will take

because somewhere deep inside i am still human after all those years of nothing but pain there is still a part in me

that is calling no reaching out for a hand to grab it...pathetic little part hehe

i don't deserve help i am made so many mistakes i trusted to much...i needed to much love and i just gave myself away...i always regret it and think there is no one like me..

but thats not true there are many like me calling out for love..they will take the first person to give it to them and then regret it ...

if you are like me...don't be afraid you are not alone not now or ever

people make mistakes everyday and they are most of the time even worse than these...

i may snap at some point but you can't give up yet don't fall like me spread your broken wings one last time

and fly up.....

this all makes no sense and at the same time it makes the most sense...

hehehehe....

this wasn't the last from me

...we will see each other again.....

and with that i close my eyes and wake up back in my room.