My Thoughts

Crush?

     How? How do you know if you like someone?

What if you don't face the obvious indications? What if you don't necessarily go about your day smiling like an idiot or constantly thinking about or talking about them? But what if those moments that they do show up in your thoughts, you can't help but get what I can't describe as anything else but butterflies?

The thing about this particular situation is that they are a long time friend that I have known since middle school. I fear that I might not really like-like them (sorry for the lack of other words) and just be fascinated but the thought of them.

I had an.... experience where I thought I liked someone, but the closer things got to being "official",I came to the realization that I didn't actually like them. I liked the idea of someone liking me. That I could be wanted and someone would care about me and I wouldn't be alone. This idea made me stop anything that could've happened because at this point I knew I needed to be alone a little longer. 

It wouldn't have been fair for me to be in a relationship that I didn't think would 1) last or 2) be healthy.

So, now I am left with this looming question. However I do have to consider another thing, what if things don't work out? 

I cannot fathom the idea that this person could possibly not be in my life. It breaks my heart just typing it out. But is this a sign that I might only like them as a friend? 

So many questions buzzing in my head. 

I think, if I am considering all of these things, then I must like them... right?