Scarred // Ashton Irwin

Chapter 1 - Realisation

My head pounds as my heavy eyelids open, revealing the dim light seeping in through the gaps in the curtains.

"Come on Liv, wake up."...."please" the familiar voice speaks, bringing me back into reality and creating the rapid heart beat in my chest.

I peel my eyelids open with the only energy I have left in my body and settle them on his face.

I look at his hair, messy and tangled on the top of his head then I trace my eyes down until they connect with his. It was then that I notice that he's been crying as they glisten under the light and the veins under the surface appear a visible red.

One tear drips off the bottom of his chin and on to my cheek as he remains leaning above my aching body, checking my current state.

He reaches his hand up so it softly connects with my cheek whilst his thumb caresses the surface.

My heart beat increases further at the contact with my skin and his, as the butterflies appear in my stomach.

My current state makes me feel dazed, still in unfamiliar setting although I know in the back of my mind.

I'm home.

He rescued me.

Although the burns and scars all remain buried deep, engraved on to my heart causing a continuous ache.

All except for when I'm with one person.

And that person is my best friend.

The one I truly love but I know will never love me in the same way.

That breaks me in itself and the one person I feel comfortable saying anything to is the only one who can't know, meaning I bottle it up inside as I have no one else to tell.

My mother died whilst giving birth to my little sister who tragically died a few minutes after, leaving me with an abusive dad and a broken heart.

He didn't cope well with my mothers death and resulted to alcohol. Before, he'd never drink, he thought it was a horrible habit which made it 100x worse as his body couldn't cope.

His brain told him abuse was the answer so that's what he did.

Every night he'd hurt me in some way, either by punches, belts or any other household object he could find.

The worse one which is represented by a scar on my right side where he threw a glass vase me.

I cowered over engulfed by pain and waited what seemed like forever for him to finally realise what he did and call an ambulance.

I was in hospital for a week but managed to get away with just a permanent scar and no real "major" damage according to the doctors. Although for me, a scar was one of the worst things as body confidence never came naturally to me.

When I finally got old enough. 14 to be precise so old enough probably isn't the best term to use, I left home and checked into a foster home.

At first it was great because I was finally around people who had been through the exact same things as me, but then things went downhill.

The other residents all of a sudden gave up talking to me and blocked me out completely when they found out that I self harmed.

They thought it was "ridiculous" and said that I didn't deserve to be here if I carried on doing that.

And I believed them.

It only made things worse and the self harming deteriorated, the cuts becoming deeper and more and more scars appearing on my already beaten body.

I nearly gave up there and then.

That was until Ashton came into my life and things started to get better.

He got a part time job at the home and I formed a strong attachment to him.

He's 2 years older than me but that didn't matter, he was there for me when no one else was and I trusted him with my life.

Little did I know that he'd be the one to save my life just a few hours ago.

When I first met him I didn't even speak to him cause I thought he'd be just the same as the rest, but I couldn't be more wrong.

He cared more than anyone ever had for me except for my mum.

He looked after me when I was feeling down.

On the nights the nightmares of my dad beating me returned, he'd be there to hold me.

He'd work extra hours to make sure I was okay and he'd make me laugh when no one else could.

And he still does all of that now.

He left the home because of me.

I couldn't cope being there anymore, the constant torment and angst against me all built up and even with his support, I couldn't do it.

He had to quit because careers weren't allowed to take in the residents.

We moved from Australia to England as a fresh start.

Ashton had always wanted to move there and we thought it would be perfect for creating a new life.

2 best friends travelling across the world to become happy.

It just sucks that one has more developed feelings than the other and things haven't ended up happy.

The nightmares came back about 3 months after getting settled in the UK and they drove me to this.

Wanting to take my own life to stop the burns and hurt.

"Come here babe" he speaks and I'm soon pulled in to a tight hug.

His arms wrap around my whole body and I dig my head tight into his neck, my lips touching the surface as I cry.

The tears stream down my face and soak into his shirt, dampening the fabric.

The sobs escape my lips and I can no longer hold them in as all my emotions come pouring out.

" I'm so sorry Ashton, I'm so sorry" I cry out, the words muffling against his neck. "I'm so sorry" I repeat whilst gripping tight of the fabric of his top, not wanting to let it go.

I squeeze him tighter and continue to cry, grasping the fabric in between my fingers, pulling it tight against Ashton.

It's still slightly damp from the rain outside and I can feel the dampness seeping through my clothes and on to my skin making me shiver.

"Don't be sorry, don't say that." He replies, making me cry more, these tears resembling some sort of happiness because I have someone who I can completely trust.

Then he speaks words I didn't expect to hear.

The words that set my heart racing and my mind into complete confusion.

The words I've been wanting to hear from him since I met him.

"I love you, Olivia"

I love you too, Ashton.

"Just don't ever leave me. You gotta promise me, Livvy. Please."........" Promise me you won't leave me" he continues to cry out, the room completely full of emotion and cries.

" I can't. I can't promise I'll stay. I'm broken Ashton, I can't be fixed"

••••••••••••••••••

VOTE AND COMMENT PLEASE?!?! x

So excited to write this one, I've been going through a tough time recently so I thought that I'd make a bit more of a serious book.

Hopefully I can do it justice.

If updates aren't very often then please keep this in your libraries because it will be updated, I just have a lot going on at the minute x