just someone random thoughts of mine i needed to write

someone once told me you cant choose family but your friends you can

 They say you cant choose family and yea to some degree that true .  But  That rule does not  always  apply  . You see when you love and care about someone  your willing to to do anything ; be anything for that person .   A lot  times   we say things we don't mean and we fight and argue with our loved ones , Does  that mean we love them any less   than we did before?  I'd like to believe that it does not change how much you love a person .   The fighting the arguing the constant back and forth those moments  are a true test of how much you really care.  

We all   fight with someone in our lives , It may be your boss, your sister , your brother, your girlfriend and  or boyfriend, etc .   Now stop and think about those arguments   were they worth it . Was it worth seeing the hurt and the tears or frustration  in their face ?  I can almost guarantee you it  wasn't .   Cause right after the argument you probably felt like crap , like the worst person ever for saying any of it and if you could you'd take it all back and never had said it in the first place you would.   

Its funny how when someone says or does something we don't necessarily agree with were ready to jump down their throats and pick at their flaws. Just cause they say or have a different point of view than you  do does not mean you should go jumping down their throats .  I know .... I know easier said than done.   You have to stop and  see their point of view and learn to respect their ideas and thoughts .  Cause i'm sure they have your best interest at heart .   I can almost promise you that. 

 You see yesterday  I did everything i just said . I said something i shouldn't have out of  being upset and i shouldn't have.  I said the worst possible thing i could to my father .  I argued with him over his points of view   and didn't even stop to think of his point of view or respect it. I didn't want to hear it and that no excuse for what i said .  I hurt the man who raised me , who was there for me and protected me .   Looking back now and seeing his eyes water   cause he wanted to cry  the whole argument wasn't worth that , no argument is . 

this man didn't have to raise me , he didn't have to be there in my life at all ... he had no obligation  to me at all .  I know what your thinking he my father of course he had to raise me but your wrong .   He has nothing tying me to him he has no obligation to have spent time nor energy or money  more importantly his love on me . I 'm not  his blood.   His only duty was to my mother his wife and  my brothers and sister .     He choose to be a father to me   that why i say yes to some degree you can choose your friends not family, but there is an exception  like  with my father and my mother . 

I just hope someday he can find it in his heart to forgive me for what i said and for what I've him and my mother through the last 19 years . I' still a immature child  , i take no additive e and do nothing  as i watch as we barely get by . Its time if i wanna be treated like a adult and be thought of one its time i became one and work my ass off in school .