There's a true reason behind why I hug, and it's not only so I can feel love, but it's also because that might be the last time I see them. I know that eventually everyone will leave me, one by one. I wish to spend every second with my friends, happy and cheerful. Next time I'm hugging you, take a second to think about if you really wanna push me away or not. Up until this point, I had sanity, an actual working brain... Then my true friends started to leave. Now I spend the days walking around like a fucking retarded monkey with the attention span of a quarter to hold back my true feelings. I am suffering inside, knowing that our time is limited, knowing that I won't always be with you. I hold back the sadness of who I miss, I hold back the tears of those I will never see again. Friends and music is my only escape from my life, but what about when they aren't there? The only time I see friends is when I'm at that retched place! I rarely get to go out to see them cause I'm forced to be here in this shit hole without trust or love. But what about music? What about the sweet words mixed in with the amazing tunes? Work. When I am put to work is the only time I get music, and sometimes I don't even get that! The reason I wrap my arms around you is because I don't wanna let go, I don't wanna be left behind but the fact is that it will happen, it always does. I have heard the saying that everything happens for a reason. If that is true then why am I being made to feel so abandoned? Why is it that I am up at 3 am thinking about you? Because I worry that I will be forgotten. I don't wanna be "just that one kid" to everyone I love, I wanna be butterz. I wanna be remembered. I just wanna be loved. I am blood raised from a family who gives me more hate than anyone else could. The most racist fuckers are the ones that I have to live with. I have more female friends because I'm not use to a father-figure, or an authoritative male. "Friends are temporary, family is forever" That is crap. I would trade anything to be with my friends, the ones I can count on! Wether it's my best friend or my best man I would give anything to be right by your side. I care about you more than I care about my health, more than I care about my body! Maybe I'm insane, but that wouldn't be a surprise now would it? You have put up with me for so long and yet I still come up with new jokes when it's silent. Silence is my worst enemy. When I'm talking and laughing, I forget about all the emotions and the worrying. But when it's silent, I start to think and worry about what will happen to you. I start to remember all of the people who left me and those of which I will never see again. Don't tell me to get over it don't tell me to get over the past. My past is what kills me the most, a sea of emotions, anything bad that could have happened happened. I wish I could forget it all, from day 1 up until the first day of sixth grade. "It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for" You don't know how right that is. Piss them off and watch the place burn to the ground. But they also make the best, kindest, most loving people you'll ever meet. From drawings to rocks each one of them has their own thing, but they know how to keep you interested. Up until this point, I don't think I will meet anyone better than I already have. People say life is like a video game, if that is true then where is my pause button? I wanna pause in the middle of a hug so I can hold you in my arms for what feels like an eternity. I wanna stop time when you're about to get hurt so I can take the pain for you. If life is like a video game then where is my restart button? I would re-live it all, because I would eventually hit the point of meeting you. Up until this point, you probably haven't realized how much you actually mean to me. I would go back to the moment I met you because it would be an amazing day. If you weren't here for me today, I probably wouldn't be here right now. Now you know my reason for hugging everyone so much, what's your reason?
