Darkest Desires

*Chapter 12*

"Shay don't walk away from me!" Kim yelled down the hall at me, her voice ringing down the empty halls. I winced but kept my quick pace steady.

"Shay! You will tell me one way or another!"I sighed, so much for no one noticing me leaving the cafeteria. I stopped abruptly spinning around to meet Kim's probing glare. She stopped in front of me popping her hip out and placing her perfectly manicured hand on her side.

"Well are you going to tell me what happened between you and Mr. HottyMcBadBoy?" Her glare turned into an anticipating smile as she bounced from toe to toe like a child awaiting Christmas morning.

"Kim. I told you. NOTHING happened. I fell, he caught me. End of story." I repeated for the hundredth time. I had been trying all morning to convince Kim that nothing had happened between me and Derek. I hated lying to her, but honestly what was I suppose to say to her, "Oh ya Kim, you know that kid Derek, well I believe hes been stalking me all the way from New York all the way here, and did I happen to mention he can paralyze me by getting me so horny to the point where I wanna bang his brains out, AND did I also happen to mention the tiny little fact that I'm a virgin. Shall we go get some sushi now?" 

Ya, any idiot could see how well that would go over. 

"Ya right Shay, who are you fooling you should have seen how you two were looking at each other! I felt like I was in one of those corny Daniel Steel books where the hero swoops in ands saves the damsel in distress then they live happily banging like bunnies in some cabin in the middle of east boo-foo!" I laughed, damn this girl could talk fast. 

"Haha very funny Kim, It's nothing like that, he's made it so obviously clear he doesn't like me," I looked down. Why did it hurt so much to admit it out loud? I shook my head trying to clear all my negative thoughts as I pushed  the throbbing in my chest to the back of my mind.

"Shay! You idiot, it is so painfully obvious that he likes you. The boy bought you coffee for god's sake! And we so happen to be talking about Derek Hollington! Derek Freaking Hollington!" Kim shook my shoulders lightly as she said his name twice for emphasis. 

"It was just a nice jesture because he bumped into me. Thats all." I rocked back on my heels nervously. She was for sure not gonna let this go.

"I know your new so I will repeat this once again. Listen closely Shay. Derrington Hollington has never in his whole time at school even acknowledged anyone let alone buy someone, a very pretty someone at that, their favorite coffee. It's just unheard of. I know I've only known you for a little while but I already consider you to be my best friend, and I want you to be able to trust me enough to tell me things..." Damn this girl could jump from one thing to another faster than a guy getting a boner. 

I looked at her puppy dog face and immediatley cursed my weak emotions.  I considered her my closest friend here.

"Ugh fine Kim but what I say stays he-," I was cut off when a deep voice chided in.

"Excuse me Kim but I was wondering if I could please talk to Shay in private for a moment," I looked up into Josh's deep blue eyes and panicked. Shit. He's so pissed at me. I don't blame him, but this is definitely a conversation I was hoping to save for later. 

"Of coarse Josh," Kim smiled at him then turned her brown eyed gaze to me. "Shay, you WILL finish telling me later kay?" I didn't even get a chance to nod before she bounded off back towards the cafeteria to snuggle with her boyfriend.

I looked down at my feet, I could feel his eyes burning holes through me but I refused to look up and meet his gaze.

"So that's it, your not even going to tell me what I did wrong?" He finally broke the silence, but I wish he wouldn't have. His voice was full of anger and betrayal and I cowered under it. 

I took a deep breath and finally spoke. "It's not about anything you did Josh, you were, I mean you ARE perfect." I corrected myself quickly. I wasn't lying to him. He was perfect. And sweet. And utterly hot.

He took a step foward closing up most of the distance between us. He raised his hand up and tipped my head up to catch his eyes with mine. "I don't understand Shay, I like you, I like you a lot. What's so wrong about that?" 

"The liking me part is what's wrong! You shouldn't like me! It always ends the same...always," my voice dropped into a whisper as I sucked in a breath, forcing myself not to cry. 

His eyes searched my face before gently pushing my hair back behind my ear. His warm palm splayed across my smooth cheek. "Whatever has happened in the past is over with, there is nothing wrong with me liking you Shay. You are perfect, and beautiful, and nice. I've only known you for a few days but I already have these feelings for you that I can't explain but it doesn't matter I want to see if we could ever be anything Shay."

I am not perfect. I bring death and sadness wherever I go. No one will ever understand...no one. I looked into Josh's eyes and knew I could never have him.

"Josh I-I-," He cut me off abruptly by crashing his warm lips to mine.

I stood there in shock as his full lips moved against mine, trying to force a response out of me.

Without my knowledge my lips responded moving against his in perfect synchronization. My hand wound itself into his silky golden hair pulling him closer to me as he placed one of his strong hands on my hip and the other on the small of my back.  

I let myself go as I kissed Josh loving the feel of his lips on mine. I could forget about everything. The pain, the hurt. 

He licked my bottom lip asking for entrance and I surprised myself by granting it. 

As the kiss deepened I basked in his wonderful taste of peppermint. Loving the closeness I hadn't had in years. The walls, the rules, everything, It all crumbled down. The bubble I put myself in to protect myself and everyone around me popped as his nails dug into my back and my hands ran through his sun-kissed hair.

 As we finally pulled away gasping for air, I looked up into the beautiful blue eyed guy in front of me and couldn't help bet feel a twinge of regret that the eyes staring back at me weren't the captivating silver ones that consumed my every thought.

The guilt swirled inside of me like a wave ready to reach surface.

So i did what I'm best at...I ran.

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Hey everyone! :) hope this chapter is alright. Please leave feedback whether good, bad, or criticizing it's always greatly appreciated! 

Sorry for any spelling, grammar or any other mistakes! 

<3 Angela