She taught me how to love

Prologue

An excess of words in remembrance of my first love
Ive written this story so many times. Yet every time something is still left unsaid. Every time I put pen to paper I remember another prove they was supposed to intertwine into the greater picture. Every time I feel it's not good enough to dedicate to her. She was my everything, she was the one. But I let her go.

I let her go because in the simplest of words, it was the easiest choice I could've made. I was sixteen, I was a child, I was selfish, I would say all the excuses to talk those who would listen, but the fact of the matter was that she was gone.

She was my best friend. I had spent years watching her by my side, she was so unceasingly loyal to someone so unworthy. She would turn and look at me at any given moment, her lips turning into a bright and beautiful smile. She was always full of wonder and light, with an unshakeable belief that I was someone much greater then who I thought I was. In her I found true happiness, with her I felt as if there was nothing left to hide. We held each others small hands in the first day of kindergarten, we took lazy naps together. I watched her grow from my best friend to my lover. She pushed me to be who I am today, but even now I don't believe I've reached her expectations. I've let her down in every way imaginable.

One night stands and drunken mistakes linger around me. They mock me and tell me I'm the constant whisper how I was never good enough. How all the fame in the world couldn't help me anymore, not after I had so despicably removed her from my life. Not after I drowned himself in pity and alcohol. Not after I tried again and again to find my love where there was only lust.

I miss her deeply, that cannot be denied. Every night I lay awake, playing out the scenarios in my mind.. if I had told her to stay, if I had kept in touch, if I had treated her better. Ifs fill my mind, leaving me full of regrets and sadness.
If only.

If only I had done more. If only I had told her 'thank you for making me into the man I am today'. If only I had told her how much I loved her.
Maybe things would have turned out differently.
                                            -*-

Endless summers we spent climbing the grassy slope behind her home. We were sixteen and in the verge of love, unbeknown the future laid so neatly in front of us. She laid back on her elbows, watching the clouds pass by as I watched her long blonde hair blow in the summer wind as we had done every summer we had spent together

"Rose."

"Hmmmm?"

"Oh, um, never mind." I say nervously running a hand through my curly hair.

"Harry?"she looked into my eyes, urging me to look back at her.

"Yeah?" 

"Well, I just wanted to give you this." She handed me a box. I looked at her and then at the package in my hand, she smiled lightly. I opened it carefully and found a silver necklace with a plane charm on it. I took it out, and hung it on my index finger. "You know when we were little we always wished we could fly away?" I nodded "well love, I think it's time for you to fly. Sometimes you have to fly to be free."

"Are you sure you want me to do this?"

"It would be selfish of me to stop you. This is your chance. I know you'll make it."

I looked into her bright blue eyes, debating once more whether to take this friendship of fifteen years any further. She gave me that look, the look I knew so well. Her eyes locked on me knowingly and she scrunched her nose just a tiny bit. I nervously out a hand to her cheek, feeling my heartbeat out of time. As I inched closer and closed the gap between us, our eyes fluttered closed. I wrapped my arm around her, embracing her. Rose's gentle lips grazed mine, and I finally realized what I had been missing out on all those years.