Aberration

Chapter One

Chapter One

Life is full of many inevitable disappointments. I had to learn that the hard way.

At eighteen many teenagers know what they want to do with their lives. Most want to go to college and experience that life while earning a degree in their chosen major. Some go straight to the workforce and start their careers. While some of these adolescents struggle to know what they want in life.

Unfortunately for me I was one of those unlucky eighteen year olds. I didn't know what I wanted to do, what career I wanted, if I wanted to go to college, I just had no idea.

I've always wanted to go to college it was something we were all taught as kids. We were taught that college was always the best because it helps you get a job. Just like every other kid I was convinced about it, but certain aspects in my life made me question it.

One of those aspects are probably the fact that I always felt alone as a kid. The fact that both my parents were not always there for me in the way they should have been.

My mom being an alcoholic and my dad addicted to drugs is not an environment kids should grow up in. With my parents being the way they are of course there is bad things that is bound to happen. Well all these bad things led to me not caring. I didn't care about school, friends, or even things that went on in my house.

I guess it was a defensive mechanism that made me not care. The same with me always laughing and joking when serious things happened in my life.

There was this one time I will always remember. My mom's current boyfriend was upset at my house because my mom wanted to leave him. He didn't take it very well, I guess. My sister and I went to the kitchen because there was so much commotion going on. When I walked into the kitchen her boyfriend came up to me and sliced his wrist directly up close in my face.

Once again I guess it's a defensive mechanism that caused me just to laugh at him. To make jokes about it with my sister. I don't know if that makes me heartless or crazy. I don't think it's either, I just think I don't care.

My family is crappy and I guess I also got depressed from it all. Sure I joked about things but I was never happy.

Around graduation time my dad got a new girlfriend. I decided to live with him because I could always get away with more. I also thought that since he's always high he was in a better mood than my mom, who was always drunk. Let's say that it wasn't exactly the best choice, he wasn't the best man when he ran out of drugs.

When he got his new girlfriend he forgot all about his children. Even the one's living with him. I was always home alone, I guess that you could become more depressed that way.

He missed my granduation. He missed it because he went to feed horses with his girlfriend. I didn't show it, but it hurt. I joked about it, my defense mechanism made me. All my years of dedication through high school and he didn't even make it. We even lived together! He saw me dressed up for it and everything! Disappointment wasn't a strong enough word for how I felt.

After graduation my dad moved in with his girlfriend and her family and left me all alone. So I moved in with my grandma. Every grandma is so caring and nice right? Wrong. I was kicked out of there within a month, forced to move in with my mom since I had no where else to go.

I was an eighteen year old who did not know what they wanted to do. Within a couple of days with my mother she forced me to go to college. She didn't listen to my pleas that I did not know if that's what I wanted. Since I lived with her I had no where else to go so I was forced to go to college.

I don't know if it was the resentment I felt towards my mom that made me drop out within two months of college but I did. Her making me go led me to dropping out. It should have been my choice.

The feeling of disappointment in this shit filled world is inevitable. The feeling of it because of your family is not inevitable though. They should be there for you and support you no matter what. My family chose to hurt and neglect me. My dad chose buying drugs instead of feeding me as a child. My mom chose to be an alcoholic and choose her boyfriends over her children. My dad chose to swing at me multiple times. My mom chose to go party and leave her kids home alone. My parents chose to fill my life with disappointments. My whole family did.

The feeling of disappointment because of my family made me realize something. It made me realize that you can not rely on anybody. Nobody at all. They will all just disappoint you. I will never let myself be disappointed again. I will never succumb myself to that feeling ever again.