Just A vent post

Where it began

It's 4:55 in the morning and I am sick and tired of you keeping me awake at night! Wondering what your doing in life, if your still doing what you love, if you found other things that make you happy how skateboarding and art does. Tell me please!!!
It's killing me I haven't talked to you in months and you won't answer me! I know I fucked up and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I have tried to apologize to you so many times. It's not like I can avoid seeing you because at every one of their family gatherings you appear. And when I see you I feel my heart break a little more because I have seen what's in your head before you have opened up to me before so many times and you still have the same face on... I can't tell if your happy or sad! AND THAT FUCKING KILLS ME!  it's been keeping me awake for so long to the point where I type long messages of everything I have ever wanted to say but I never bring myself to hit send because I know you won't see it! I know it won't matter and less then 24 hours we went from talking about everything under the sun to absolutely nothing! No messages at all were sent... because how bad I have messed up. I can spacific your remember every detail from the first thing I said to you... to the last.... " I like your tatoo" to "I'm so sorry ______ , please talk to me... I don't know what else to do" just like that...it fades to nothing less... then a simple mistake...