"Tap here to start writing" Ugh.
Fucking hell. This lame ass witch is making me write a story about his amazing adventures with his lover who is a pink, glittery tampon. Whoop Dee fucking doo. I suppose we should start at the beginning, huh? Whale here we go!!!
This witch is the (self proclaimed) best witch in all of the land. He is however the prettiest. He has a shitty personality so he has no friends whatsoever. He decided one day that to pass the time of being a lonely fuck, he was going to practice some spells. One spell the caught his eye was "So You Need A Tampon" and for whatever reason he decided 'yes tampons is what I need for lonely'. And so he cast the spell blah blah blah.
What he didn't know (and what he didn't fucking think about) was that maybe this tampon could talk. He was so surprised when a pink glittery tampon appeared in front of him saying,"My name is Philip, I'm a tampon, use me and get this over with." That he nearly screamed his head off. He however, needed to make it clear that he was dominate over the glittery cotton and proceeded to boom in a girly voice "IM NATE IM THE BEST (and prettiest) WITCH TO EVER LIVE BOW DOWN BEFORE ME HAHAHAHAHAHHA"
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"I'm leaving"
"NOW WAIT COME BACKKKKKKK"
Philip rolled his narrowed eyes
"What do you want? For me to pleasure, or stop you from bleeding?" Philip said with his semi-existent mouth. Nates face went blushu blushu. (It is actually possible for tampons to pleasure u I looked it up bc ppl didn't believe me)
"No, actually, I want to be friends!" The witch exclaimed proudly. "And you can't leave till I've dismissed you, isn't that right?" He continued with a shit eating grin on his shit covered face.
A growl escaped the tampons non existent mouth, "you are the worst "witch" to ever be created, fuck face." Laughing, Nate turned away to put up his spell book.
"Never said I was fair~" and with that he strolled away into his kitchen in order to cook some food to throw at an annoying old person.
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As the food was finally finished cooking he started to share it the way he always did around this time of day. "yOU WHITE PEOPLE" Nate screamed out into the world, the whole time throwing food item after food item at random who fell and called out for "Jane from Life Alert". Though all they got was a scream that told them to "just get up and over themselves because she was busy teaching Em proper grammar".
By that time Philip was completely done with the forest village he was summoned to. "These people are insane! Should they be allowed to live by themselves?" Shaking his,uh, cotton he disappeared to another part of the small cottage, hiding in an abandoned linen closet.
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Soon enough after "meal time" had ended Nathanieloniqua decided to search for his "furry" friend. He was not surprised in the slightest when he heard groaning in the linen closet. He sorta already assumed Philipe was in that certain place. He was not, however, expecting a tall, hairy lady to be sitting there with the tampon...playing.....vidja games?
"what the actual heck?" Nate inquired as the random female shrieked and disappeared with a POOF. "I can't believe you're actually cheating on me! Do you know how rude that is?" He put a hand on his chest, the other on his head. "I didn't think you were like that Philip! Oh how wrong I can be, apparently." He then ran out of the house crying, hoping his cotton friend would chase after him and that he wouldn't run into the town idiots.
Boy.
He should've knocked on wood.
He hadn't been out in the forest, heading to the library, for very long until he heard rustling in the trees, along with some very annoying voices that put a feeling of dread in his small body.
"All I'm saying is that you should put your hand on a males chest, its really pretty warm."
"ANd all I'M saying is that that's weird."
"It's not THAT weird, you probably do it to your boyfriend all the time!"
" Actually, no, I don't there's this thing called personal spa-"
"Never heard of i- HEY! Look! He finally came out of his cave. HII"
" Who- OH OHHHHHH YOOOOOO BROOOOOOOO"
Nate had about .5 seconds before the twins could make it down to him, but knowing them, they'd probably go a tad faster because he was their favorite person to mess with. He took off in a mad dash, all his attention focused on the towering wooden door of the library. Just as his hand reached out to grab the magnificent handle of the door, two hands reached out, one for either door.
" you could've just said you wanted to go to the library!"
"We've been meaning to come here, too!"
"It's our favorite place to use to scope out vict- I mean new friends."
Nate had lost his battle, but they couldn't be that bad, could they? He nervously tugged on his jacket, the doors being blocked by one idiot and the path by the other.
"Hey, take off your jacket and let me touch you." As soon as those words left the taller ones mouth, her eyes grew wide as her companion burst out into uncontrollable laughter. "N-NO! NOt LIKE THAT" She hoped to GOD her face wasn't red with embarrassment.
"yeAH, NaTE let LET her tttOUCH you- oh, tthis is golden." The shorter one exclaimed as the one plotting her murder fell to the floor, devastated. But, of course, she just HAD to fall next to his crotch. More laughter ensued as Idiot #2 curled up into a ball on the floor and rolled away, her friend accompanying her.
"What the fuck was that?"
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He decided against entering the library, already gaining a migraine from the encounter with the twins, no matter how short it was. Sighing, he turned around only to come face to face with the stoic face of a male who was obviously leaning down to be face to face with him. Nat moved away from him, taking off into a dead sprint in the direction that the twins had went, why? He didn't know.
Little did he know, the mysterious male ever so casually turned into a tampon and turned back down the path towards the isolated cottage he had come from.
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After running through the woods, he stopped when he saw the twins gossiping in a meadow.
"Did you see that guy? He's totally into Nat"
"Oh. My. God. I know right? Like the pure interest was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not subtle"
" ugh, its such a shame tha- oh hi! Phate!"
Nathan's head cocked to the side, "Phate?" He shook his head, " are you two being weird again?"
"Very funny, it's a ship name for you and Philip!"
"I, Emma, very cleverly came up with the name for you and your, erm, friend tampon thing!"
"Um, why tho?" Nathan squinted, not fully trusting the two troublemakers as they made their way over to him.
"Well you see, I, Emma the ship queen, decided that you and him would be adorable together, so" she grabbed his jacket sleeve as he tried to writhe away from her, " we're going to make it happen."
"Now, before we put our so far non exsistent plan into action, you should know that you must call us Sus the Sin, my twin over there, and Ruth the Rotten, me!" Ruth's face twisted in one of mischief already thinking of a plan, her eyes lit up and she turned to Sus, " Aye, do you think Philip would mind is calling him 'mom'?" Sus' eyebrows shot up in confusion.
"We haven't met the guy why would he let us call him mom?" She proceeded to loudly squint until she figured out Ruth's diabolical plan. "Does- does that make Nat our father?"
"WhOA WHOA WHOA WHOA...whoa" nate stepped up between them, not liking where this was going, "normally I wouldn't give a shit about what y'all do but I will not be called 'father' you may call me Mr.Mailman."
A Cheshire smile appeared on two similar yet different faces as their plan was accidentally put into action.
I have no clue where this is going someone help me omfg
TIME SKIP TO EARLIER TO DATE BC JFC THIS WENT TO SHIT
Ruth and Sus looked sadly at each other, still upsetti that Phate never truly happened. They looked upon all the different editsRuth had made of the ship, slowly burning them as silent tears rolled down their cheeks.
"This doesn't mean we will be blasted off" one said as she glared at a picture Of Nathaniel
"We are just beginning" the other said as she gazed longingly at a picture of Philip, wishing he would accept her.
Their voice joined in unison
"School starts tomorrow, and we will return"
One smirked reciting her line
"Prepare for trouble"
The other joined in, her mouth morphing into an unsettling smile.
"And make it double"
FIN
I have major writers block with this so I'm ending it until further notice, however I will be making more stories here using sijations from school with friends and family! So stay tuned.
