Dead Poets Society Stories

Todd Anderson x Reader - Answer Me This

Due to the extent of Todd's emotional state, I was already planning a piece of poetry for him or even any kind of gift I could bestow unto him. This instinct, this powerful affection, this endless personal demand to revive the Todd of the past, poetic and astonishing, was overtaking my priorities.

Todd spontaneously split out of the crowd of crow-colored families and friends, yet remained the reserved character as he stuttered his way through our conversation. His chilled hands surrendered in his trench coat pockets.

"H-Hey," he uttered.

"Hey, Todd. Are you doing alright?"

Todd shook his head faintly to the already soaked ground, enabling his tears to drip off of his frost-nipped cheeks. "No." He sniffed, wiping a tear or two with the back of his hand. "Definitely not. I'm holding on, though. I'll be alright eventually." He chuckled.

Now I was the one communicating in contrived smiles. It did not last more than a couple seconds, but the instinct to please Todd returned, so I smiled again. This time, Todd noticed. And this time, Todd reciprocated - he surprised me with a genuine smile. Reshaping his lips from pain to peace brought me a massive sense of satisfaction. I felt a vague spark ignite in my aching heart.

Todd shuffled in the snow apprehensively. Moments of hesitation elapsed before his concise question, "do you mind if I... stay at your place t-tonight?"

Eyes reflecting my surprise, I replied, "u-uh, yeah. Sure. I have extra space." Trying not to dismay him, I elaborated cautiously, "I don't want you to have to sleep in that kind of environment. That bed... unoccupied..." I could not imagine the horror of his best friend's bed now stripped of its treasure, just wood and wool now. It used to embrace a genius, now it embraces the chill of the winter, no liveliness to maintain warmth.

Todd nodded hastily, almost as if he was trying to quake off the tears now unfaltering and copious seeping from his tear-exhausted, stinging eyes. I felt my own eyes erupting with tears and my vision soon became indiscernible. Although I knew our emotions would spill over, I collided into him with yearning arms, desiring any last assurance I could retrieve. Todd immediately hugged back while cloaking me in his despondency but it was extraordinarily easing. Our collective tears cascade down each other's sorrowful bodies.

"It WILL get better, Todd. I KNOW it will. Never lose hope," I whispered, depression affecting the tremble in my voice.

Todd sniffled before responding in an even more subtle pitch, "you promise?"

Tears vigorously gathered in my eyes before spilling the same time I assured, "I promise. I promise. I promise, Todd."

He fervently tightened his clutch on me. Never had I ever felt so overzealous on craving this moment to last forever.

-After Goodbyes-

I removed my dress in my bedroom and settled into a light cotton sweater and midnight-black leggings while Todd borrowed the shared washroom down the hall to change into an outfit compiled of clothes he had brought to my dorm. During this solitary time, I contemplated the funeral, as did Todd.

Mr. Keating was present at the funeral. He expressed all of his bottled-up sentiments. Every word that escaped absorbed into Todd and I. Every word was pure poetry, whether it was intended to be or not. Nonetheless, Keating was similarly downhearted like us.

As I nonchalantly tie my hair into a high ponytail, the weight of my hair heaving my scalp backward forcing my eyelids open to reality, Todd emerged through the door. Sorrow remained in his begging eyes.

I flashed him a brief smile, evoking a welcoming atmosphere since he will be my new roommate for as long as our emotional healing takes. Astoundingly, Todd proceeded to smile in return, a petite glimmer of optimism. It was this split second that I concluded;

I did not want him to leave.

Eventually, after debating with myself, I opt to invite him to stay even longer once his week or so here comes to an end.

We lavished in each other's amity all day. Though tears were consistent as past memories assaulted us, we would alleviate the heartache every time. We passed the day watching movies, strolling the nearby pathways, or venting to the other's comprehensive ears. Dinner was simple; a 5-minute meal I could muster between my cabinets and fridge. We savored it before yet another compelling movie. As much as it was compelling, I felt myself drift into slumber in my bed while Todd lay awake, but in a sort of trance.

"I'm going to get ready to sleep," I murmured, hauling my now impossibly heavy body into the shared washroom. The mirror reflected a dissimilar impression of me. What once was a sparkle in my eyes was now a dim, feeble glint.

I untangled my hair and brushed it to my right shoulder. I brushed my teeth idly, my mind trailing off. Once back in my dorm, I changed into a t-shirt and pajama shorts, not my usual night attire but I had a male guest bunking with me tonight. Todd was already changed.

I began to lug my bed over to his.

"What are you..."

"We can move the beds together. But we don't have to if you don't want to," I assured, internally pleading for his approval.

Todd shook his head. "Here, I'll help." He grasped my bed and hauled it to his much faster than I could have. I leaped into my bed and instantly my eyes locked. Todd was courteous and switched off the lights then joined me in our half-bed contraption.

"Thanks," I muffled in my pillow.

"Of course," he responded. All I felt was his warmth approaching me. A wave of anxiety and excitement surged in me. The covers seemed to levitate off of my yearning body then descend gently, blanketing me up to my shoulders. Todd's hand grazed my shoulder tenderly. The surrounding muscles relaxed and all grief vanished. This euphoric thrill was a shockwave, pervading through my enticed frame and soul. I became animated, adjusting my position to discover his hand again. He ever-so-slightly cupped my shoulder in his hand. It's as if his spirit traversed into me, embraced my heart, then exited. Never has contact made me this content.

"Goodnight, Y/N," Todd whispered so silently it fluttered pleasantly in the air.

I smiled graciously. Now it was certain;

I did not want him to leave.

I wanted him to stay with me.

I wanted him to comfort me.

I wanted him to touch me.

I wanted him to love me.

~~~

*whew* feels so good to have finished one part (XD). Honestly, it was nice to write again, I feel it has engaged my creative brain and fulfilled what I felt was lacking in my life.

Hope you enjoyed! Constructive criticism is welcome, however, rude criticism, insults, anything negative will not be appreciated.

What did you think? PM me or comment! By the way, the entire story plot has been planned, now it's all about the hardest part; actually typing it out. Hopefully, I can finish it soon because I hate having unfinished stories in my drafts.

Have a great life, Carpe Diem!

-Caroline R.