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I sighed for the last one hundred and twenty fifth time as I reluctantly decided to get myself off from bed and stop staring nowhere on the ceiling. Wait, bakit ko nga ba tinititigan yung kisame?
Siguro dahil hindi ko rin naman kayang ilipat and paningin ko sa ibang bagay. Hindi naman kasi iyon ang laman ng isip ko kung hindi mas malalim pa doon. I can't help but mentally dispute whether going to school today is a good idea. Its not that I have a choice, why am I thinking about it anyway?
Hindi ako yung tipong taong tamad mag-aral. To be honest, I love to learn. Usually, I read books when I feel bored inside my room. It's my only way of escape beyond this four walls. Gusto ko din sanang masubukan mag-aral sa library kaso hindi ako makakapagconcentrate doon for sure. Just don't ask me why, I have sworn myself into a secrecy.
Literal na naman akong napasapo sa noo ko. Shouldn't I, at least be grateful that I still have something to think about rather than sulking which doesn't make any sense at all. Napailing nalang ako sa pinagiisip ko.
Bumangon ako sa higaan at inayos ko kaagad ang suot kong cream Louis Vuitton hanging blouse paired with white short shorts na nagusot galing sa paghiga, bago ko sinimulan ayusin ang mga gamit na dadalhin ko sa school. Inisa-isa kong siniguradong inilagay ang mga kakailanganin ko inside my beige Chanel bag bago ko isinara ng maayos ang zipper. It didn't take time though, I'd only brought few essential stuffs I needed.
I grabbed my Christian Louboutin wedge and fasten it hastily to my feet. Look, I don't hate school just for something lame. In fact dont even hate school at all, yeah not-at-all.
Fine! Sige medyo hate ko na nga pumasok sa school. I didn't mean my sarcasm, it's just hard to pretend that you are when you're really not. Pero slight lang talaga, mas boring naman magkulong dito sa kwarto ko, noh. Lalo ko lang nararamdaman kung gaano kaboring ang life ko.
And with that thought, another deep sigh escaped from me. My life isn't that boring, perhaps a bit but not entirely.
Alas otso ang simula ng klase ko ngayon pero alas sais palang ay tapos na ako maligo at magayos ng sarili. Siguro halos mga magdadalawang oras at kalahating minuto na din akong nakatitig ka kisame. Wag na ninyo tanungin kung bakit, obvious naman diba na nageemote ako, duh.
Sure I hate school, a bit, but that doesn't mean I'm not going. Well I don't wanna shame myself with my so called 'social-disgrace-problems'. I've been in too much already, all I know for now is that I learned how not to care at all. In short bahala na silang mamoblema sa akin, simple right?
Teka teka, literal na napaisip ako at napatigil sa pag-aayos ng gamit. Was that exactly the one hundred and twenty sixth sigh I made?
I know this may sound absurd, you know counting those little gestures of mine. But I love doing that ever since I was little and that was my only means of fun. Bakit ba, eh sa gusto ko magbilang eh kanya kanya lang yan. Pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na paborito ko na yung math, sadyang ganun lang talaga ako. Just so you know "alone" is constant with my being.
Nakakalungkot man isipin pero yun ang totoo, siguro na din kasi hindi ako marunong makipagkaibigan. Ano ba to, nalulungkot na tuloy talaga ako.
With all my might I tried to close my eyes and inhaled deeply and feel the air gushes into my lungs as I tried pushing all the negative thoughts aside.
"This is my plea to the God of Gods..." I started to chant silently.
"Freed me from the restraints of sadness and let me conquer thy happiness instead..." I softly continued as a coy smile from my lips starts to form. Patuloy akong nakapikit na para bang totoo akong nalalanangin.
