My hole damn life I have been told "you need to lose weight" "you are to big" "you're fat". I have tried to fix it somethings have worked but I haven't done them in the best way. I would run and then not eat only drink water but my parents always made me eat dinner. Once we got busy and couldn't sit down and eat I was able to skip meals without them knowing. I know you probably think this is gonna be about me starving my self but it's not. The most I went without eating is a day and I got up at midnight to eat. There is something about me that won't let me not eat I have too. I can make the feeling go away but I still wanna eat. I HATE IT. Today was a day I tried not to eat. Why? I have no idea! I just looked at my body and thought no you don't deserve food. So I didn't. At least until 4:30. I broke and got some cereal. Then went to go shoot trap. On the way my dad asked what I have ate today. ( my dad has been suspicious of me not eating for a while) I told him cereal an apple and some pizza rolls (all total lies). My mom told me a few nights ago that my dad wanted me to eat more than just cereals he wants me to eat protein. So of course the first thing my dad says is "no protein?". So he takes me to subway and gets me a sandwich. I eat it to make him happy and stop worrying. (My body is by no means perfect put there is a few times where I do feel like it is.) My baby is the one reason I haven't completely starved my self. She tells me that she loves me and tells me that I'm perfect and I should never think different. And that helps a lot she changes my world and helps with anything ( thank you babe) I know it's wrong to starve ur self but it's seems like a good idea when when little kids see all they say is "why are u so big?" You know the feeling u get when ur hungry I actually like that feeling I like the pain I feel like that's not normal and I should get help but..... I love my body at times but I also hate it at times. I have bought a bikini for the first time and now I actually have a better image of myself in my mind. That's all I have to talk about right now. :)
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I will most likely add on this when I feel like I need something needs to get of my chest. It might not always be about the same thing but I don't know talk later thanks for reading
