A kind of love (gay)

Noir

-Alex pov-

"Max you seriously need to eat" I practically shoved the unedible hospital chicken down his throat or so they claim its chicken. " What's the point in eating this fucking crap if I'm gonna die anyways ! " because I don't want you to die of malnutrition it's enough you have cancer.

There it is, the big storm hanging over our already miserable lives. About 8 months ago My brother max was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin lymphoma a slow growing cancer to be exact.

This cancer affects the lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell, and is characterized by larger lymph nodes, fever and weight loss. There are several types of non-Hodgkin lymphoma, and they are categorized by whether the cancer is fast- or slow-growing and which type of lymphocytes are affected,  my brother was fortunate to be diagnosed with the slow growing form , I like to think that this is gods way of making his life even more fucked up, it's not bad enough my brother has it now he can't even die quickly to get over with it, don't get me wrong my brother is everything to me and I know that he'd rather die a fast and painless death rather than suffer and allow his body to dry out and rot. To make things worse max was 21, he's so young but acts so tough, like it's not affecting him but His whole tough guy act is just what it is, an act, and he's scared shitless of dying.

Max has a weird out look on life, he believes that every person has only one drastic event in their life, he calls that event " noir " which is the French word for black. He believes every other bad thing that could occur in ones life is a stepping stone and that we should be thankful that the worst has already passed, because it can't get any more fucked up than that.  Personally I think it's a load of bullshit, he's been through so much on his own, I'm not convinced he even knows which one was his noir. So Max likes to think that he has already handled the worse in his life so cancer is Just a "stepping stone" to him, To max our mothers death was his noir. If I had to choose my noir it would be not attending her funeral.

"Where the fuck is the doctor" uncontrollably swearing, Max became agitated. He's been sitting here waiting for an update on his current "situation" for hours know. Screw hospital staff they can't ever be on time. As if on cue DR. Matthew Scott, head of the cancer department, walks in and I notice the sudden change in Max's face. The hospital staff has taken a liking to max, I don't know if it's his witty attitude or uncensored mouth, but they are all very fond of him especially the nurses. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already broken hearts in this place. So when Dr. Scott walked in without his usual "another day, another life to save " speech, Max knew he wouldn't like what he's about to hear. " Your last blood result show that your white blood cell count has dropped by 30% the last time we tested you, the chemotherapy isn't making progress as we hoped and I think it's time we start talking about extreme intensive radiation, then get you set up on an experimental drug that we feel would help in your case also ----"  my mind blocked out everything else he was saying and I began to wonder why max? I have always been a worse person than him why did he get cancer and I'm still here safe and sound. It's true when they say the good are never safe.

"Doc you said the chemotherapy would work what is this fucking shit radiation your talking about, I don't want it " he protested.

" Yes we hoped the chemotherapy would work but the odds have failed us and we need to start on new treatment methods if we want to make sure --" max cut him off aggressively. "what that I don't die? huh at this rate this fucking hospital is going to kill me " Doctor Scott now clenching his pen a little too hard " we'll send in a nurse to tell you about the radiation , in the mean time I suggest you think about it and really look at how little options we have left. Please Max think about yourself for once". It's true max really needed to think about himself, he doesn't do that anymore lately. Dr Scott left the dull room almost immediately and max took out his phone and began doing what he always does in his free time, get women to give him their undeserved attention.

When Max first got diagnosed he didn't tell me, I actually found out when I saw his blood work coincidentally in the mail. After I confronted him he disappeared all night without a word and showed up at my apartment drunk off his ass, with a bloody beat. He didn't speak a word to me that night, I knew he needed someone to hold him to tell him it was all Going to be okay that cancer has been beat before and it can sure as hell be beaten again. That night was the first time I had seen my brother cry. I held him until he passed out but I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. Instead I just stayed awake staring at him, imagining what this cancer would do to his body, his blonde hair was going to fall out, he's going to lose his muscular built. I knew he has a long battle ahead of him. And I sat their grieving everything he'd never be able to do.

"Well since your just gonna ignore me I'm going to head home for the night, you Good on your own?" I gave max a sympathetical look "ya I'm all good, got my porn to keep me company " I cringed, only Max would be in a hospital bed dying of cancer and still have time to think about porn. " okay I'll see you tomorrow Max, please don't perv on the nurses and drive them to kill you in your sleep " Max laughed, one I haven't heard in a while " cancer will get me before any of them will " he laughed but the flame in his eyes was no longer there. I gave him a small smile and made my way out but Max had more to say "wait Alex I forgot to tell you, Jackson Green an old buddy of mine from high school is moving back to California tomorrow, he said he's dropping by the hospital, it's been a while since I'v seen him" he sounded sincere. " I look forward to meeting him, how come you have never mentioned him in highschool" Max gave me weird look as if I have forgotten the obvious "we weren't exactly talking back then Alex " I looked toward the ground ashamed to bring up the past, I nodded my head and said good night.

I dread hospitals always have, but looks like I'ma be spending more time here than I'd have hoped.

The hot stud in the picture above is the one and only Alex.
Hope you guys enjoy !!!!