"It's been 5 years since me and [y/n] are friends.
I started liking her since I saw her but she didn't think of me like that, she gracefully turned me down saying "I'll like to date someone for whom I'll have true feelings for. "
But she didnt break contacts with me just after that. We still hung out and became good friends as we had same interests, she thought I don't feel anything towards her anymore but she wrong. I feel bad when I feel relieved as she turns down all the guys who confess to her, I've always dreamed to be with her and only her, when I'm around her, I become someone who I am not, I want to protect her and keep her just for myself just like this but now I don't want to be just friends with her. Yes she's interested in dating but she says that she doesn't feel anything towards the guys who confess to her, she wants her true love to be with her. She says it's hard because it's hard to find the people who will like you back as much as you like them.
I wonder all this time we have spent with each other, doesnt she feel anything towards me? Am i not even that much of a man to make her feel special? Ahh I love her and I want her to like me back but as she said, it's hard to find or make people like you back as much as you like them. "
I got up from the bed and shaked my head so I could come back to my senses. I ran towards the bathroom as I read [y/n]'s message that she was waiting at the bus stop for me. I remember I got ready in less than 10 minutes that day and ran off so fast that kind of increased chores for people to do on the way.
After apologizing the old man at the news paper shop for accidentally kicking his stack of papers while running, I ran until my heart was about to stop and then, then I saw her. Long hair and big eyes, standing on her toes and trying to find me in the crowd on the street. Ah I wish I could hide forever so I could get all of her attention but I had to come out and get beaten up by her for being late on our study meet but I'm glad, I'm glad that she beat me up that day, I'm glad her diary fell off her bag and she didn't notice, I'm glad I committed the sin of peeping into her thoughts.
"May 16 2016
I turned him down, I started liking him when I first saw him but I couldn't do it, I couldn't as I thought he would be embarrassed to have me. As I've always said, I've been suffering every night, I crave someone who can hold me tight and pull out every single spec of loneliness out of my brain. I've been suffering for years, I wanted to cry in someones arms while screaming and beating my fists on their chest, telling him how bad and lonely I felt every night when I tried to bury my face in that pillow and go to sleep, how much I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth in order to not cry out loud. I was a expert at crying silently, not letting anyone know, how my heart ached every night, Every time my heart felt weak. How much I dreamt to have someone by my side and understand my deep thoughts. I was so angry at that person for not coming to me but he did and I told him to go because I suddenly realized how embarrassed he would be when i will hug him tight and cry loudly in front of everyone, how I'll let out my pain and anger towards him for not coming a bit early, when I needed him the most. I would go head over heels for him but I'm still wondering if he will like to be with me when I'll behave like this, be someone who I have never been around him? Will he accept me? Will he stay? Or will he leave immediately?"
I'm glad I read her thoughts. Im glad I hugged her right away when she saw me with her diary. I'm glad she cried loudly and happily while burying her head in my chest, instead of the pillow.
