Steve/Bucky One Shots

The Dirt On Captain America

[AU where Captain America: Civil War didn't happen, Bucky has his memories back, and everyone lives in the Avengers Tower]

"So Barnes," Natasha says, slipping into the stool next to Bucky at the breakfast bar, "now that you've got your memories back, I was thinking you might wanna tell us a little bit about you and Steve, y'know before the war."

"I second that," Sam slides into the stool on Bucky's opposite side.

"Okay, what do you want to know?" Bucky replies casually, grateful for the opportunity to use his mind now that his memory wasn't swiss cheese.

"Well, for starters, did he have a swear jar?" Natasha asks with a chuckle.

Bucky laughs. "Hell no, otherwise every penny we had woulda gone into that thing. What makes you think we would anyway?"

"Back before the whole Ultron fiasco, he told Tony to watch his language. When later confronted on the matter he said 'it just slipped out'."

"Makes some sense I guess. Back with the Howling Commandos, as captain, he had to keep us respectable for the audiences and whatnot. It was kind of an inside joke when he told us to watch our language while we were fightin', because he'd throw in as many swear words as he could."

"So it's not that language bothers him?"

"Bothers him? That kid's got the worst mouth outta anyone I know, myself included. Only place he never swore was church and in front of his ma or mine."

"Hmm," Natasha said contemplating his answer, probably deciding what question to ask next.

Sam spoke up, "Why is it that when anyone asks you or Steve about something from before the war, you always use we?"

"That's an easy one. See, for starters, Stevie and I did everything together before his ma died. After Mrs. Rogers passed away, Steve came to live with me, because he couldn't afford to stay in his place and he probably woulda died in the winter. Scrawny little thing, he was; had no body heat of his own whatsoever. Anyway, we use 'we', because Steve and I shared everything and we were nearly inseparable, except for when I was at work or he was getting beat up in alleys," Bucky responded with a distant, but fond look in his eyes.

"Oh, that makes sense," Sam seemed to approve of the answer. There was a short silence.

"Why do you call him Stevie?" Clint asked suddenly, dropping out of the ventilation system onto the counter in front of Natasha.

"I call him a thousand and one different things, and no one gets to complain, because he's my best friend. Some of those names include: Steve, Stevie, punk, shithead, asshole, idiot, doll-face, Rogers, Steven Grant Rogers, Captain, the Star Spangled Man With a Plan... the list goes on," Bucky added the last one with a dramatic voice and a deep, hearty laugh.

"Where'd that last one come from Barnes?" Natasha mused.

"Oh are you in for a treat," Bucky stepped onto the counter, took a deep breath, then started singing at the top of his lungs,
"Who's strong and brave, here to save the American Way?
Who vows to fight like a man for what's right night and day?
Who will campaign door-to-door for America,
Carry the flag shore to shore for America,
From Hoboken to Spokane,
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!
We can't ignore there's a threat and a war we must win,
Who'll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin?
Who will redeem, head the call for America,
Who'll rise or fall, give his all for America,
Who's here to prove that we can?
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!
Stalwart and steady and true,
(see how this guy can shoot, we tell ya, there's no substitute!)
Forceful and ready to defend the
Red, White, and Blue!
Who'll give the Axis the sack, and is smart as a fox?
(far as an eagle will soar)
Who's making Adolph afraid to step out of his box?
(He knows what we're fighting for!)
Who waked the giant that napped in America?
We know it's no-one but Captain America,
Who'll finish what they began?
Who'll kick the Krauts to Japan?
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!
(Who's strong and brave, here to save the American way?!)"

When he finished, he bowed and Clint, Natasha, and Sam applauded.

"Guy even has his own theme song," Sam snorted with laughter.

"Yeah," Bucky said, grinning, "and he hates it."

They went on asking question after question about Steve for hours, though Bucky refused to answer several of them. Eventually, everyone except Steve, who was filling out paperwork and other boring stuff at HQ, was crowded around Bucky.

"What was the worst part about living with Steve?" Tony asked.

"Probably the fact that he left his wet towels and dirty socks everywhere. Honestly, I was constantly picking up after him. That, and during winter, he'd press those icy toes right against my legs whenever I was just about to go to sleep. Damn near gave me a heart attack.

Everyone fell dead silent. Then Wanda spoke up.

"Do you mean to say that you and the captain shared a bed?"

"Well yeah, we weren't exactly rich. We couldn't afford a second bed, he refused to let me sleep on the couch, I refused let him sleep on the couch, and he would've frozen to death if we hadn't. He was just too tiny to generate his own body heat, so I shared mine," Bucky explained without a moment's hesitation.

The Avengers (minus Steve) let out a simultaneous 'oh'. For a while, no one spoke.

"All right, my turn. Why are you guys always making fun of our ages, except maybe you Bruce and Thor of course, but he isn't here?"

"Isn't it obvious? You two were born in the 20s or whatever. That makes you almost a hundred years old. Did you think we wouldn't take advantage of that?"

"Sure, Steve was born in 1918. I was born in 1917. Physically, we've been alive for 98/99 years, but if you subtract time spent in the ice, we're both about 30. That makes us the youngest out of all of you minus Wanda and technically Vision." Everyone nodded in agreement.

Eventually, the conversation subsided. Everyone was quiet for a while, at least until Steve got home. That's when all hell broke loose.

"WHO'S STRONG AND BRAVE HERE TO SAVE THE AMERICAN WAY"

"Buck, you promised never to sing that song again," Steve said, sounding disappointed, but he couldn't hide the smile in his voice.

"Sorry Stevie, I was just telling these lovely friends of yours all about you."

"What'd you tell them?"

"Only the good stuff."

"Jerk."

"Punk."

Author's Note: The artwork isn't mine. I just found it and thought it was adorable.