Sometimes I have a lot running through my mind. Well, actually all the time. I think about what will happen in the future, how would I deal with things or some things that happened in the past, not long long ago, maybe something that happened a day or two before, or a week ago.
I realized I like to read my books in a corner of my room comfortably, either at my study table which has enough space (if I tidied my table) or at my bed, covering my legs with my quilt, leaning onto my purple-pink ombré colored Craftholic pillow that my mother had ordered online for me (I'm a big fan of Craftholic), that makes me will comfy, and I could read for hours like that.
I share a room with my brother and we sleep on a double decker bed. I take the top. So being up here, I'm pretty close to the light that laminates the whole room, I don't like reading under the dark, I must have light. Speaking of the dark, I also dislike eating in the dark. I feel like if you can't see your food properly, you wouldn't know what's going into your mouth. You might be chewing a bug that coincidentally flew to your plate and think it's peanuts. Ew. Never mind, let's forget about that one.
A few more days till I officially move to university. My mom's all tensed up than I do-- she has thought about all the things I would need, and all the things I didn't think of. She was nagging me about packing my luggage this afternoon. Well, I took my luggage down from my closet, took it out from the protective layer that prevented dust, but l still haven't packed, I seriously don't feel like it. So I was thinking maybe I'll just pack tomorrow, I then assured myself there's still time and went back to reading. (I read a lot these days)
I was thinking (told you I think a lot); I'll eventually figure everything out, yes, it'll be difficult at first, but I'll get used to it. I'll be a real adult (soon). But who knows what will happen there, what difficulties will I face? Will my teachers give me a hard time? Would I make any friends at all? What if my roommates are mean? What if I'm scared to sleep alone? The unknown scares me, not knowing what will happen, what to anticipate, and would I even react calmly if something happened? I remember last time, when I cried because I didn't receive the email from my university, saying there's an interview, and I only got to know about it a day before my interview-- when they called me to make sure I know about my interview. (My email went straight to junk) I just cried, like a baby longing for his mother. Except I'm not a baby anymore, and I already turned 18, but still.
What makes me even more miserable is the fact that my best friend stopped talking to me last month. She just stopped. All of a sudden. And I don't even know what happened. I've tried to make her talk to me and all, but she would just ignore my messages. If we were really friends, why can't she just tell me what's going on? Why would she wanna just give up our friendship like that? I cherish our friendship very much. And if it wasn't her and it was someone else-- the moment she decided to stop talking to me, I would just be like fuck it, and do the same to her. But it's her, it's JYSH, I place our friendship at a very special place in my heart. Not that I don't love my other friends, I do, but she just stands out a little more than my other friends. She's just important. I guess that's why I broke down and cried when I finally couldn't hold it in anymore. The heart break I feel is real. Like, I don't even know whether this is going to be temporary or its gonna last forever. Of course I hope it would be temporary, that one day, she will tell me the reason behind all this. Because I feel like shit, I don't know what happened, and if something has broken up our friendship, I would like to know what it is. If it's something I did unintentionally, and there's no way to undo it, I'll let it go. But what if it was all from a misunderstanding? Then I can at least explain to her. I don't want to just let this be game over between us. No way. I want to seek for the reason behind this. I just want an explanation; to make me feel better. Am I selfish to think that?
Do you know how I feel like? I feel like I've been sentenced to death by the judge, but really, I don't even know how I got to the jail even. That's how I felt, every single time.
She's going to the same university as me, and my friend told me that she is living in Tower 8, at our university's hostel. (I even have to ask our mutual friend to know about her now). That's where I'll be staying as well! But we're on different floors that is. What am I gonna do when I see her? Do I say hi? Do I smile to her? What if she just walks away and ignores me the same way she did on the phone? Then what do I do? Continue to see her distancing herself away from me for 4 years of uni? I want no part of that. I think that would hurt me, even more.
I remember a book that I read, "The Thing About Jellyfish", the best friend of the girl in the story died, and the last time she saw her alive, they had a fight, then they were on holidays. Then she was gone. Then she never saw her again. Never.
Another book called "Playlist for the Dead", describes a guy who found his best friend
dead the morning after they had a fight. His friend just decided to kill himself, and the guy was trying to find out why throughout the whole book. I don't know why I'm into these books. It's not like I'm hoping one day one of us would be dead. I guess I just wanna know how they dealt with life after that. Well, at least I'm still alive. And JYSH's still alive as well. Haha.
Anyways, I just finished reading "Playlist for the Dead" this afternoon, and I've been starting on a new book called "Me Before You" by Jojo Moyes. It's now a movie though. But it's my habit to read the book first before watching the movie. Like Hunger Games series, Divergent series (although I watched Insurgent before I've read the book), The Fault In Our Stars, If I Stay, etc.
I'm into love stories.
