Too Real

To The Word "Fat"

Small tw; depression, body image :)
Also this is a slam poem

I was never skinny.

Not as a child, not now and that caused me to lack self confidence  as soon as I learnt  the definition of the two words in 3rd grade.

I'm 2nd grade my mind was like a safe haven that no body but me had access to, where flowers grew instead of poison thorns like thoughts of a depressed child. In 8th grade I went into councilling for depression and anxiety both from the fact that I couldn't talk to people without choking on the word confidence,
without thinking that the people behind me were laughing because I was fat.

In 1st grade while all the girls and boys met behind the slide and built up the courage to say "hi" I was looking in the mirror thinking "I could have a boyfriend, if I wasn't fat."

Fat.

The fat on my body was the cause of my self destruction that I could only apologize for. The world I lived in throughout my childhood was one that consisted of taunting voices that told me that I didn't have the will power to starve myself and prickers that would unleash deadly poison into my blood, that deadly poison bring my inibility to be happy with myself because nothing kills a man faster than his own head,
we know this.

Everyone says "you're beautiful , you aren't fat" like they were afraid that I didn't know that wasn't true, like beautiful and fat couldn't mean the same thing. 

I look at myself in the mirror, thinking that I would be better of dead, no one would miss me, I'm just a huge.

Waste.

Of space,

emphasis on the huge. I would look at other girls my age, doing nothing but comparing myself to them. I felt uncomfortable standing next to skinny girls because skinny girls had it all,
skinny girls had a safe haven that still existed like mine in 2nd grade.

I will not believe that anymore.

I tell others fat is not bad and you are beautiful and
your
body
is
one
of
The
most
beautiful
things
that you
have
complete
ownership
of
And it's time I started taking my own advice. because I am too young to not be happy and I am too fragile to not have a good time. This, is for everyone who doesn't feel at home when your standing in your bedroom.

Those who can't look at themselves when they're naked, I do that too.

It's high time we start realizing what we have, what is beautiful.

For those who would rather change themselves, than CHANGE SOCIETY!

F.M.