Han & Leia | Galaxy of Us

Chapter 11

"Alright. Say that you do," he caught her hand firmly, holding it by her side, "You want to go down there and not only question Rieekan's authority, but the legitimacy of your men's witness? You weren't the only one who cared about Dodonna, Princess. Most of those men down there are just as broken as you are right now, and some of them are the ones who went back to that helltrap to see the truth for themselves."

He was blunt, but whatever he was saying knocked the reality of the situation into her. "If you need some time to yourself, take it. But do not go back down there until you're ready to act like a leader," he grasped her shoulders and looked her in the eye, "Okay?"

She willed herself to look back at him unwaveringly, even while a storm of emotions was gathering within her. She had to be strong. She didn't need to take time for herself – she didn't have time – none of them did if they wanted to defeat the Empire. But before she could even blink, a lone tear escaped from her eye. "Damn," she muttered, swiping at her cheek, avoiding his perceptive gaze. But with that one tear, more fell.

She hugged her arms to herself, trying to pull herself away from him, but he only sighed and put his arms around her tightly. She gave into it. Into the tears. Into his embrace. She hadn't cried for her parents, but she was crying now. It was too much, all of it. Was she to lose everyone she cared about in this war? Was it all really worth it? She couldn't even hold herself together in front of Han, how was she to face everyone else?

As though he'd read her mind, Han said softly, "You don't need to go back now, take the rest of the day off if you need it." He was so strong and warm, she almost didn't want to let go, but at the same time, she shunned his pity – she didn't need anyone feeling sorry for her.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she wiped at her cheeks, looking up at him. She'd never exactly been what one might call "kind" to him.

"Because I know what it's like to lose everyone you care about at once," he said simply.

As she waited for him to continue, he sighed, running a hand through his hair, moving to sit at her bunk, pulling her to sit beside him. Instead of resisting or ordering him to leave or suspiciously questioning his intentions, she remained silent and sat, hands folded in her lap.

"Listen, I was never rich or titled like you, but I knew what it was like to be happy, I knew what it was like to have a family that loved me."

Leia nodded, watching him. She could tell it wasn't easy for him to talk about it; he never spoke of his past to anyone, much less her. He leaned forward, not looking at her and continued in a neutral tone, "I never knew my real parents but I lived with a middle-aged woman I called Mum because she was the closest thing I had to it, and a sister, another little girl we took in from the streets. Myrah. You once asked me why I don't know my age? It was because I was just a kid when I got taken in, I was on the streets for most of my childhood. We didn't have the money for gifts and Myrah didn't know her birthday either so we didn't have cause to make a big deal over it and I wasn't old enough to care. When I was in my teens – a man came to our mother, said he needed money back. Apparently he worked with her husband – they were in some dirty business together in the past. We didn't have the cash and what little we did went into our school fees – we had just enough for that. So, I thought I'd quit, get a job, pay the man off and then we'd be fine. But instead of finding a decent job for myself, I took the man's offer and he recruited me into his line of work. He was a bounty hunter. He used me to get information, for smuggling on the side, taught me how to fly a ship...even when we had the money to get rid of him, I stayed on. I liked the adventure. And I liked the money."

"Did you love your mother and your sister?" Leia asked softly, though she already knew the answer.

He paused for a moment, then said roughly, "Not enough."