story of tonight | phan oneshot

story of falling

Phil stood quietly at Dan's door, his closed fist hesitantly posed an inch away from the wood. His mind raced over the prospects of what he was about to do. He was wondering whether it was truly worth it. He took one final deep breath before gently knocking.

"Yeah baby? Come in," Dan's muffled voice came through the door, full of joy which filled Phil with dread. He grabbed the brass knob, his hand shaking as he turned it. As he pushed open the door and stepped in his eyes scanned the room, landing on the digital clock, the empty pill bottle from when Dan had needed antibiotics. He turned to Dan, who was sitting, or more slumping, over his laptop. "What's going on?" Dan asked, placing his laptop to the side and rising out of his bed. "You look worried, are you okay?" Phil shook his head.

"I need to talk to you, this... It can't wait and I'm sorry but I just, I need to say this, okay?" He mumbled, running his hands through his already messy hair. Dan furrowed his brow and pulled Phil towards him. He moved to kiss him, but Phil pushed him away. "I can't do this anymore!" He shouted, sending Dan tumbling back on to the bed like a tumbleweed in the desert. Dan looked up at him in shock and brushed his hair off of his face.

"What the hell, Phil?" He asked, his voice raising above the concern it had before. "What do you mean you can't do this?" His voice cracked as he waved his hands around, matching his volume with gestures. Phil shook his head, taking in a deep breath as he did so.

"You're too much, Dan. I've been through so much, before you and since you and I-" he took a moment to breath in as he choked on his words, "I was falling, and I needed someone who could catch me, someone who could break my fall. I needed someone to be my parachute. But you?" He pointed a finger in Dan's direction, "You're skydiving. You jumped, and you didn't look back. You aren't falling with me, you're flying and you don't plan on stopping anytime soon. You're all about going harder, faster, further. You're flying beside me while I fall, and it's too much for me!" He shouted, tears streaming down his pale face. Dan's face twisted, rushing through a range of emotions and landing on sympathy.

"Baby.." He trailed off, slumping down onto the bed. "Please don't leave me." He mumbled, covering his face with his hands. "I need you to catch me before I hit the ground," he whispered, "because we love each other and that's what people are supposed to do when they love each other."

Phil stepped backwards until he hit a wall and slid down, sitting on the floor. "It aches Dan," he mumbled.

"I know," Dan replied. "But doesn't it feel.. Oddly good to hurt?"