broken satire - f.weasley

1 / Joke

"So, Fred, do you like anyone?"

Fred rolled his eyes at his mother's bothersome question. It was always the same exchanges of words at dinner time after he'd been at school; whether it be a break or over the summer. The constant question that never ceased to exist in Molly Weasley's mind.

"No, mother. We have this discussion every time we eat dinner. The answer's the same as it was since I started school and probably'll stay that way for a while."

"Yeah, maybe someday soon you're knight in shining armor will show up at the door asking, 'Where's my handsome prince Fred?'" George snickered, only earning a side eye from his twin and a hush now George from his mother.

"I'm not gay, George, but you might want to watch who you're talking to with the way you look at Lee nowadays," Fred chirped back.

"Enough you two! Or I will make you eat outside with the gnomes!"

The troublesome Fourth-Soon-to-be-Fifth Years were silent the rest of dinner after their mum snapped at them, not wanting to have to deal with the gnomes out front that would surely eat their food before they could.

"The Bank's losing workers left and right because of that new deal they proposed," Bill piped up, loathing the silence that had followed Molly's shout.

"Really now? You don't say!" Arthur seemed to be the only one interested in Gringott's position.

"Yeah, you'd think everyone would've been more eager to do their job and more people would want to be hired. It's the total opposite," Bill explained, shoveling spoonfuls of his soup in his mouth.

"That sounds terrible. And it was just the other day..."

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"So, Freddie, you're willy doesn't go silly around anybody, huh?" George came sneaking up behind Fred as he was making his bed, whispering in his ear, a devilish smirk plastered on his face.

Fred's reflexes immediately allowed the back of his hand to come in contact with George's face, altering his brother's balance. George took a few steps back from Fred.

"Bug off, you wank stain."

"You never answered my question," George said, taking a seat on his bed while rubbing his nose.

"Because you already know I'm not interested in anyone."

"I knew you weren't interested in anyone, are you interested in anyone now?"

Fred sighed in defeat as he tossed the pillow he had unsuccessfully put in the pillow case aside, sitting down on his own bed across from George.

"Well, I mean, I wouldn't say I like her, I hardly know her..."

With this, George bolted up from his bed and made himself comfortable next to Fred, his hellish grin back and bigger than before.

"Who's her, Fred? Hmm? Who's her?"

Fred cracked his knuckles, taking time to answer.

"She's in our Year..."

"And?"

"She's kinda short..."

"And?"

"She's got light brown hair..."

"And? What house is she?" With each 'and' George had inched closer to his brother.

"Give me space, first of all. Second, she's in Ravenclaw," Fred said slowly as he watched his brother nod in understanding.

"Right. You've fallen for a brainiac. You know how they just 'love' us and our 'fantastic' pranks. Can't forget about our 'perfect' record," George whopped Fred in the back of the head with his palm, "You idiot! A Ravenclaw's not gonna fall in love with you!" Fred sighed; this time in despair.

"Yeah, I know," he said sullenly. George gave himself a moment to take in his brother's emotions. Seeing how upset Fred appeared just by the way he sat; shoulders hunched over and his head down while his fingers danced around in his lap, the feeling of grief and hopelessness sunk into George as he put his arm on Fred's shoulder.

"Freddie, look at me." Fred turned his head to face his brother's look of determination.

"You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna get that girl to like you...No, no,

"love you."

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{ this is still pathetic but i liked it a bit so im gonna go in the direction i was going to originally with this. hope you enjoy