50 Shades Of Caucasian

Playing the bagpipes

Ryon opened his eyes as he said the final words of the incantation. "Katsu Wo Taberu..." He repeated three times, four seconds apart each time, and then peeled a carrot over his Leapstart early gaming station. "Ore wa, gadiske..." He said one final time and stood, finally finishing the sacrifice. He went to the bathroom, took a shower, browsed ifunny for an hour, and drank a nice glass of deer blood, his usual morning activities. Then, he put on his bondage gear and went in to work at his job at Disney, where he was directing and acting as the main lead for the Cory In The House reboot, "Cory In The Brotherhood Of blood."

As his shift ended, he saw a man playing the most beautiful and elegant instrument imaginable. He way he blew air into the main chamber, which he squeezed, taught but delicately, and releasing air from several valves in a coordinated manner, almost like the beating heart of a child finding first love, or a sacrificial lamb spread out upon a swatstika shaped table, prepared to have it's spleen transplanted to the local panda exhibit's resident, a two story tall infant dressed as a corn dog. But Ryon, unaware at the time, was feeling the former, for this beautiful one man orchestra, played by the skinniest, whitest, nerdiest man alive. It was almost as he was looking in a mirror.

Ryon glanced down at his attire and, for the first time that day, let his real voice be heard.
"Aww fuck that shit nigga I gotta get new strap."
After a quick wardrobe change, into a less bloody set of bondage equipment, he approached the other man.

The man with the bagpipes, instinctively,, did a double backflip and snapped Ryon's neck, the normal and law-required greeting of Mexico City, Nevada, formerly known as West, Texas, before the 67 year long Trump presidency, and the passing of DJ T's "i don't fucking eat tee shirts, you taco from Fuzzy's" law, which states, and I quote, "ELEVATOR." In all caps, italicized, and underlined, in 25' Comic sans font.

After Ryon regained presence in the known universe, he said to the man with the bagpipes,
"What the fuck is that thing?"
The man with the bagpipes responded with gutteral noises, the likes unheard of by the human Race for all of its existence.
"Oh nice, that sounds like a fun instrument! Maybe you can teach me sometime?"
Once he finished shaking the spectrum of light, causing human eyes to rapidly evolve and gain the ability to see ten more colors, the man with the bagpipes responded,
"Sure man, but first, do you want to rob a bank with me?"
"I would love that." Ryon responded, with a tone showing the least amount of interest in the recommended activity. And they did. And were arrested and hardened in prison for two years, where they learned to accept eachother's quirks, thereby making this story at least five, no, six times easier to write.