Polarize

2.

When Josh and I steeped into the line that lead to the tiny window where they were handing out pills left and right my gaze stuck straight ahead while Josh's eyes would wonder around the bland area. When it was my turn to take the pills I tilted the little paper cup up to my lips and quickly shifted the capsules to the side of my mouth burrowing them between my teeth and my cheek. I handed back the cup and slowly walked to the restroom. God these pills tasted like envelope glue and turpentine. I quickly went into a stall and removed the pills from my mouth. I flushed the toilet and wiped my mouth then turned to open the stall door and when I did I was greeted by the one and only Josh.
" Tyler you have to take those " he said.
" I'm not insane, Josh I don't need brainwashing pills to make me feel better" i say then quickly regret.
" So you're saying I'm insane ty?" Josh questioned.
" Not necessarily, you're the most sane one here which is why you're the only one I talk to. We're both in here for the same reason so if I were to call you insane I would also be calling myself insane, which I just said I wasn't. " I say looking at him.
" well we better get back shrink sessions start soon." He said nodding towards the door. I stayed silent and shrugged, the lights flickered a little bit before we exited. I followed Josh to the main area where there were people mumbling unknown things to themselves, people hitting themselves or their heads on nearby walls. I shuffled to a window where their was nobody around. I gazed at the overview of Cleveland. I would much rather be wondering around those streets than be here. I would wonder into a music store and play the pianos till they decided to kick me out at closing time. Then I'd wonder back home maybe stop at a dim lit park and sit by the pond or into a local coffee shop that engulfed me in the smell of ground coffee beans and espresso. I wouldn't get home till late hours. I'm not gonna lie, I missed it. But I wondered if it missed me, if my parents wondered how I've been, if my friends have forgotten about me. My mind kept flashing back to the day when I decided to take miscellaneous pills in mass amounts, to the times where I decided to slash my arms and thighs repeatedly, to when everything started to get bad. I was snapped out of my blunder when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
" Tyler come on, its you're turn for counseling." The wrinkled face smiled.
I turned to him fully and followed him out the door, and down the hallway that would lead me to a dusty room that smelt of old paper and books with a hint of mold.
" go ahead and take a seat Tyler." He insisted. I slowly sat down on the right leathered seat which creaked under me as I shifted getting myself as comfortable as I could.
" how have you been feeling lately Ty? Any better than last week?" Mr. Harris asked flattening out his grey sweater vest.
" I mean, I miss the outside world. I just ponder what life is like without me." I stated staring blankly forward.
" well that's good, at least your emotions are coming back, that's progress!" He said with a grin while he clapped his hands together.
"I guess" I mumbled.
"Have you been taking your meds?" He asked raising and eyebrow.
" yes" I lied. I haven't taken them since the first week I was here.
" that's good, I can tell they're taking a toll on you " he smiled.
" yeah I guess you could say that " I said looking down and twiddling my thumbs.
" well considering we have little time to talk. I have some important news for you the next time I see you. It was nice seeing your improvements Tyler see you next week." He said getting up and opening the door for me. I got up and shuffled out. I bumped into Woodard on the way out.
" watch it suicide" she spat. Ouch. I jus kept my way and made a beeline to the room. The linoleum in the halls were faded and dirty looking. The walls were wrote on and chipped up. The lights flickered every so quickly. My bones seemed to creak everytime I took a step, or at least they'd pop and crack when I decided to move. When I got to my room I plopped on the bed and threw my arms over my face. All these melodies kept going through my head, and all these words kept thrashing around my brain. I went to the desk and started scribbling all these things.
"Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder. Inside your head, a winter of death " Then another set of lyrics.
" I tried desperately to run through the sand as I, hold hold the water in the palm of my hand cause it's all that I have and it's all that I need and the waves of the water mean nothing to me" and another
" your soul knows good and evil, your soul knows both sides, and it's time you pick your battle, and I promise you this is mine " I dropped the crayon and grabbed my head. Another migraine, great. I walked over to my bed and laid down, and eventually fell into a sleep where I would run into him.