Dirty Disney Fan Fic

Tangled

My name is Flynn Rider. I'm a tall and skinny man who has chosen to be a thief. Yeah I know. Not the most safest occupation. I get that. But, it does pay off. Sometimes. Today, I'm on a very important mission. There's a bounty on the kings crown that lasts until midnight. Right now it's about, eh, 8:00-ish. I've got plenty of time left. Hell, I could go sneak some jewels if I wanted. A small satchel won't carry all that and a bag of chips though. Crown is our main goal then I'll go smuggle some jewels. Also, don't mean to brag but, I'm pretty well known around these parts. Cool, you may think. Famous, you could go as far to say. But in most cases, it's infamous. So everyone is out to get me. Not everyone though. I've got two "pals" with me trying to get this crown, too. I'm really just using them to get the merchandise. Only about a mile before we reach the castle. Oh no. Hoof-steps. Guards!!!

I kick my speed up a notch into a sprint. I won't be able to reach my destination like this. I've got to hide somewhere... The hoof-steps get closer. There's no hope for me. Wait. There might be. I've got to run even faster though. Come on, come on. One final leap and that should do it! Nope. Of course not. The puddle isn't deep at all. This might be it.

Oww... My head hurts a lot. Must have been from getting thrown into this cell. From here it looks like there's no way out. The only things I've got on me are my grappling hook and a giant rusted nail. My "pals" are locked up in here too. The only thing I could actually hook on to are the few support beams. But after that, no way out.

Bad ne- Oh. Okay that works too. someone just busted out of their cell and is freeing everybody. His name is... Hans? That sounds oddly familiar. Anyways, back to escaping. Everyone else is going down the hall to the main entrance. Stupid. Just climb out the window. Hey, and what do you know, it leads to the roof. That's how I'm gonna get the crown. Probably. I "borrowed" a map of the castle from some guy that was escaping. He'll get it back someday. it says that if I go about 100 paces that way, Ill be right above where the crown is. Ah crap.(keeping PG for rep) FOOTSTEPS. NOT HOOFSTEPS.

It's Hans the guy who escaped and set everyone free. He pushed me through the ceiling and down onto the spiky crown. My neck! My back! Lick my food before I digest it! Hans slowly reached his hands into my back right pocket and squeezed... my wallet. He then ran off, forgetting all about the crown. He's really weird.