insecurity | soonhoon

ii

Day 1,

It was the first day without Soonyoung beside Jihoon. Jihoon's first thought was that it actually felt better that no one was annoying him.

Not until it him. After the endless crying last night, Jihoon surprisingly managed to fall asleep at five in the morning. Unfortunately for him, he had to wake up at seven to get ready for classes. Damn those classes.

"Soonyoung-ah, is breakfast ready?" Jihoon shouted from their shared bed. It was only then he remembered that Soonyoung moved out last night. Ah, that night... Jihoon wanted to forget it so badly.

Jihoon sat alone, trying his best to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes but to no avail.

A sense of hope came into him and he wondered if he could fix the problem he had caused. With that tiny hope he was holding onto, he ran to the apartment they lived in, praying that Soonyoung was home.

The hope soon faded the moment he stepped into the apartment. He noticed Soonyoung walking back and forth from his closet to the bed. Jihoon knew at that moment that Soonyoung was leaving for real as he transferred his clothes from the closet to the luggage on the bed. He's not only leaving Jihoon as his boyfriend but he's also leaving as a friend; as a roommate. The moment Soonyoung leaves their apartment, they'll be strangers. Strangers with bittersweet memories.

Jihoon thought that all he could do is beg and that was exactly what he did. He begged for another chance. It was a pitiful and painful memory for him. Why would he beg for someone who didn't want him? He shouldn't push it any further.

"What's done is done, Jihoon-ah. In fact, I'm tired of this. Heck, honestly I don't even understand this relationship anymore. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who truly cares; the only one who puts in the effort to save this relationship. So, I've decided to do this for the both of us," Soonyoung lastly stated before leaving, not turning to look at Jihoon for the last time.

"Right. Soonyoung's gone in your life, Jihoon-ah. Face the truth and accept it," he convinced himself. He went to the bathroom and got himself ready. His day has only started but it already felt difficult without Soonyoung beside him. He hates himself for realizing Soonyoung's love and care for him too late. He couldn't even say thank you for the smallest things he did. Every sweet moments they've done together flashed before Jihoon's mind.

He told himself to stop thinking about it for it won't happen again, not anymore.

Jihoon thought it was normal- thinking about your ex the day after you break up. It's gonna fade soon, right? One day, you won't even realize that you don't think of your past relationships with people anymore.

Day 2,

Everything was doing well for Jihoon the second day after he got single once again. When was the last time he was single? Ah, three years ago? He was enthralled by the thought of being free from any commitments.

The pink-colored hair guy believed he was doing well until he heard someone behind him, "can't you look around you when you're walking? Aish, please wake up."

Realizing the situation, he immediately bowed to his senior who gave him a word. He believed he was doing well but he did nothing but think of the blonde-colored haired boy. The only one who made him complete and contented with himself.

Day 3,

Jihoon hated himself a lot. He used to think that he didn't deserve anyone because he was simply not worth it. Everything changed when Soonyoung came into his life and made him realize how important he is to everyone else.

Jihoon slammed the door the moment he came in the shared apartment. He climbed onto the bed and hid himself under the blankets. He wanted to cry it all out but he was afraid that people would judge him. He didn't want anyone to think that he was a weakling.

A few minutes later, Soonyoung came in and almost immediately hugged Jihoon from the back which surprised him. He knew he couldn't hold the tears in anymore.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Let it all out, I'm here for you."

He let it all out, and it was the very first time that he cried in front of someone. It showed how much Soonyoung meant to Jihoon. "My angel, you shouldn't be crying over people who are jealous of you. So what if they're trying to pull you down? Show them how much you can pull yourself up and they will stop. Don't cry over people who seek your attention and forget about them."

Jihoon remembered as Soonyoung once said, "I promise I won't leave. Even when you're at your worst. Even if people are telling me to. I love you too much to leave you."

It wasn't Soonyoung's fault he left, was it?

Day 4,

"I heard Soonyoung left him because he couldn't control his jealousy. Whatever it is, at least I finally have a chance with Soonyoung!"

"I can't even believe Soonyoung would date someone like him."

All of these people hating and they hope for world peace. Grow up, Jihoon thought.

He wanted to forget about it, he really did. But, how could he? Damn, why was he born insecure and a perfectionist?

Jihoon dumped his bag on the floor in the living room and ran towards the shared bedroom. "Soonyoung-ah..." whispered Jihoon.

Soonyoung stood up instantly, making his way to his angel. He already had an idea of what happened because every single time Jihoon did that, it only meant one thing. Someone made Soonyoung's sunshine upset.

Jihoon always needed assurance and love so Soonyoung willingly gave his love because Jihoon was worth it.

Jihoon dumped his bag on the floor in the living room and ran towards his bedroom. "Soonyoung-ah..." whispered Jihoon.

The emptiness in the room made him realize how lonely he was. He still couldn't register in his head the fact that Soonyoung was gone in his life. He was probably having more fun than when he was with Jihoon. The thought of that makes Jihoon feel more miserable than he already was.

All this time, Jihoon was the one pulling Soonyoung down.

Day 5,

Jihoon couldn't take it anymore. He was aware of how Soonyoung affected him in so many ways after he left. He couldn't eat right and he couldn't even sleep at all.

That night Jihoon sat down on the couch, finally admitting to himself the fact that he has changed a lot ever since the dancer left.

"It's only been five day and you're already suffering so much. Why did you give your heart to someone who was bound to break your heart," Jihoon sighed in front of the mirror he was talking to, "you should be aware of this. You know Soonyoung has many ladies tailing behind him who are way attractive than you."

Day 6,

"What if you leave me for someone else?" Jihoon asked which sounded more like a statement. It was as if he knew Soonyoung was going to leave him.

"Never is that going to happen, okay? Why would I leave my cutie Jihoonie?" Soonyoung pinched his boyfriend's cheeks.

"Promise me," Jihoon looked up at Soonyoung, his eyes glittering.

"I promise I won't leave you. Not even if we start living in Mars," the dancer chuckled, "and I promise you'll never be alone as long as I'm living in this world.

Lies.

Day 7,

"It has been a week. How are you? I haven't even seen you once in school. I'm regretful for not telling you what I've been meaning to. I'm sorry for not trying to make you understand me. But, I just want to tell you that I'm still in love with you," Woozi whispered to himself, hoping the message would get to Hoshi.