Coming Home

Chapter One: Trying to move on

   It had been almost three months since Robin's death, and although I put on a brave face in public, I could barely hold it together when I was alone. This wasn't the first time Henry had caught me crying myself to sleep.

   "Mom? Mom, are you okay?" It was however the first time he had stopped to check on me. I didn't respond, instead I held my breath and remained silent until he decided to leave; which he didn't. "Mom, you don't have to pretend with me." I could hear his footsteps getting closer to my bed. "You need to talk to me. If not me, then someone. But please, I need you to get better." My son was constantly worried about me, and he had been since that day. Not that I could blame him. I was a mess, and it was getting harder and harder for me to fight the darkness inside of me.

   Everyday, I get ready, go out and face the world, but it's still there; trying to get out and obliterate any glimmer of hope and light that might be left. Henry knows me too well, so he was able to figure out just how big of a struggle this is for me.

   "Henry, I'm fine. Go back to bed." I couldn't turn to face him. I was supposed to be the strong one; not my fifteen year old son. I couldn't let him see me like this.

   "I'm not going anywhere. Not until you talk to me" He was stubborn, just like me. Just like Emma. He wasn't going to leave, and no false explanation I could give would convince him otherwise. That only left me with one option.

   I wiped tears from my eyes and turned to face my son. "Okay. You really want to know?" I snapped and he nodded. "Fine." There was a slight pause before I launched into just how I was feeling. "He's dead! Robin's dead. I know he is, you know he is, and so does everyone else. That doesn't mean that the thought of never seeing him again doesn't break my heart all over every time I hear or see something that reminds me of him. And do you know what? It's not fair that David got to come back; Hook too, but Robin... no. Robin has his soul ripped from his body and I have to stand by and watch as his life ends right before my eyes with no chance of saving him or ever bringing him back. That makes me angry and upset... so forgive me if I cry every now and again. The love of my life is gone; forever." Henry seemed completely taken aback by my sudden outburst. I felt sorry for him. I was a wreck and taking it out on him. It wasn't fair, yet he stayed by my side allowing me to calm down.

   "It's okay to cry Mom. You loved him and he was taken from you; just like Daniel." At the mere mention of my first love's name, tears began to fill my eyes again. "I understand that you're angry, but talking can really help. You bottles it all up last time and look where that got you." Henry was right. Last time, I let the pain eat away at me until I became the one person I swore I would never become. My mother.

   "If I agree to talk to Archie, will you go back to bed?" He considered my proposition for a moment.

   "Okay. But I'm holding you to that." I had no doubt that he would. "Night Mom." He flashed me a telling smile, and what it told me was that this matter was far from over.

   "Goodnight Henry." I reached over and wrapped my arms around my son, holding him close as my tears soaked into his shirt. I pulled back, examining the damp patch on Henry's shoulder. I tugged at it, attempting to make it disappear. I could have used my magic of course, but I had sworn off of that for a while after all the trouble it had caused.

   "Mom, stop. It's okay. I'll just change my shirt." My little prince, although not so little any more, always there for me.

   "I'm sorry." I squeezed his hand, not wanting to let go. "Anyway," I pulled myself together. "Time for you to go to bed." He winced at the thought, but retreated to the door.

   "Night Mom. This time for real." That smile of his spread right across his face again as he closed the door behind him.

   I curled up, drawing the duvet up to my chin and closed my eyes, dreaming of a better world. A world where Robin was still alive and we were a family again.