Fully A Family

9. Anxieties & Conversations

"If I make it to full term this is never going to work handsome." She said giggling slightly. They finally got situated in a position that wasn't horrible and they were both comfortable. He pulled the blankets over them in case they fell asleep.

"Ehh, we'll figure out a way to make it work. We're smart people." He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and breathed her in.  They both fell into a world of silence again and Maks nearly drifted off.

"Maks."  He heard his wife's voice whisper out once more.

"Yeah pretty girl?" His hand traced up and down her arm.

"Can you promise me something?"

"I can try. You know that I'll always do my best when I can."

"No, I need your word on this one." She said fiercely.

"Okay, okay, what is it?"

"If when the time comes, if something happens and it's either me or the babies, you have to make sure they save the babies first." 

"Peta. No." His voice nearly turned as cold as ice as he pulled away from her body sitting up. 

"Handsome....." Her voice trailed off.

"Why? Why would you even think that?  Say that? Just no."

"Because it's a possibility. It's always a risk with having a baby but having two? Maks, the risks are so much higher. And I'm not saying anything is going to happen but just in case.  I couldn't live if I knew that you chose for me to live over them. And I wouldn't want to know that you had to make that choice. So I'm making it for you. I want you to promise me you'll chose them."

"Do you think that I could live without you? Honestly?" Maks said still not giving her the answer she wanted.

"It would be hard but you'd have me in them. That's all you ever talk about is how you wish Ella would get my eyes and Joe my personality. You'd have tiny pieces of me each and every day in your life."

"I may say that and I mean it. I hope our babies get everything from their beautiful kind hearted momma but they will never be you pretty girl. They may be pieces of you but I would have you. I wouldn't have the person who makes me feel safe. I wouldn't have the person who makes me feel loved. I wouldn't have the person who means the most to me in this world." His eyes filled up with tears at that point and he had to walk away from her. He stood from the bed and headed out of their bedroom just needing room to breath. She sighed and pressed her face into the area of the mattress where he had been just moments ago. She left him be for a little bit and then went to find him. It didn't take long and she found him out on the swing staring off into the sky.

"Can I sit with you?" She asked timidly. Anytime he upset her, she liked to have her space for awhile. They had always agreed to not overcrowd when the other seemed to need space. However she started this one and she needed to talk  to him.

"Always." He murmured allowing her to settle next to him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she settled into his chest.

"I'm sorry." She whispered into him as her arm wrapped around his belly, her fingers fiddling with the end of his t-shirt.

"You're not. You meant that." He said as he held onto her body.

"Well, I did mean that but I didn't realize that it was going to upset you that much. I mean I knew it would be hard but not like this."

"Babe, seriously? You just talked about you dying and leaving me and no longer being here. Did you think that was going to be an okay conversation?"

"I....well...I...Uh.." She trailed off. She did know how she'd feel if the situation was reversed but still, the babies came first.

"I don't think you realize just how lost I would be." He whispered and she could hear the raw emotion in his voice as he fought back tears.

"I'm pretty sure I do. Because I know exactly what my heart would feel like if that were me. And I was giving you up basically. But Maks, we've been given this gift. This precious gift. Both of these babies. We have to take care of them.  We have to put them first. And if that means that, then well that's what we need to do." She could feel them moving inside her belly and pulled Maks's hand down to feel the movements too. Their tiny flutters and movements made something click in Maks and he knew what he needed to do.

"It's not happening. Nothing is happening to you." He said fiercely. His grip on her body seemed to tighten. She could feel his heartbeat speed up and pressed her lips to his chest trying not to show him that as scary as this was she was right there.

"Okay, I know. I don't want to think of it either, but handsome, I need you to promise me. They come first. Ella and Joe need to be your priority. I know you love me and would do anything for me but once they are here, they have to be our world"

"Only if you promise me something in return?" He said finally looking down at her. He tipped her chin up and made her look at him.

"Anything." She said.

"You promise me that if something were to happen, that you'd fight. You'd make your way back to us."

"I promise." She said never letting her eyes leave his.

"I promise." He said nearly in defeat before crashing his lips down to hers. It wasn't passionate this time but full of need. He needed to know she was there, in that moment with him. He needed to feel her. He needed to feel safe.

"I love you." She said once they pulled apart as she leaned her forehead on his. 

"I love you too pretty girl." He whispered. "You need to sleep."

"The sun is rising." She motioned to the sky which was started to get the faint glow of the sun coming into the sky.

"Peta Jane." He said sternly. She almost laughed at him but knew that wouldn't get her anywhere in that moment. He wasn't going to let her just not sleep for a whole night.

"Once it's up, we'll go. Please? I don't think we've ever watched the sunrise." She looked at him with pleading eyes. They were the eyes that he had never been able to say no to and tonight was no different.

"Sunrise then sleep. And tomorrow is an us day. Quiets and movies. I just want time with my girl." He said shifting them around so she was snuggled into his body. He held her tight but rested his hand on her belly as he could feel his son and daughter move within his wife. He knew she was right, they did need to come first as hard as that was to admit but if he could help it, he sure as heck wasn't letting anything happen to his girl. So as he watched the sunrise with his family, he said a silent prayer that everything would be good, and everyone would be healthy.

*That's a wrap on this one. I know it's slightly short but I wanted to focus on this one. I'm sure you've tried guessing why I'm numbering the chapters but we're counting down to D-Day. If you guys have any things/milestones you want to see please don't hesitate to let me know but don't forget we've done some in the other updates. Don't forget to like this one up and let me know what you guys thought! Thanks for all the support and for always reading! Love you guys xoxo