Nothing Lasts Forever

Chapter Eighteen

It took me long time to come to terms with things back then, realize there was nothing that I could have done. Now fast forward to over ten years later and now I felt scared and defenseless again. I times I was able to sleep I had nightmares. Waking up in a cold sweat, panting with my heart racing and looking around the room only to realize I was safe.

Everyone had called to check in on me but not the one person that I not only wanted but needed to see. I felt bad about what I said to August in the hospital and I was hurt. I knew that I wasn't the only one hurting by what had happened to me. I knew he already had to be feeling guilty so what I said to him probably only made him feel worse. I wished I could take it back and apologize but I haven't seen him since the day he walked out of my hospital room.

He called to check up on his mom and he called to talk to Kaliyah but he never asked to talk to me and I was scared to talk to him. I felt like maybe he didn't want to see or talk to me, not because of what I said to him but because of everything that happened. There was no telling who Jayceon sent the video to, maybe he was just as ashamed and embarrassed as I was if not more in a sense.

It was crazy how before everything me and August were on good terms but now I felt like we were back to square one. This morning was the first morning that I got myself up out of bed and after my morning shower I dressed and got Kaliyah up so I could give her breakfast. No matter how upset or down I was feeling she always put me in a good mood.

I sat with her while she ate her waffles and talked my ear off and I sipped from a mug of black coffee. I had only taken a few sips and Ms. Sheila walked into the kitchen and I didn't miss the surprise on her face when she saw me, probably shocked that I wasn't still in bed.

"Good morning," she greeted the both of us and we both greeted her back. She took out pans and I know she was about to cook.

"Did you eat," she asked me.

My appetite has been non existent, I wasn't hungry and only ate when she forced me and even then I only had a few bites of food before pushing my plate away. I knew that she was bothered that I wasn't eating like I should have been.

I was about to tell her that I wasn't hungry but the doorbell rang out making me jump and almost drop the mug that was in my hands.

"That's must be August, he said that he was coming by today. I don't know why he just doesn't use his key," Ms. Sheila sighed. At the mention of his name Kaliyah started getting excited and I decided that I wasn't ready to see him yet.

"I'm going to go upstairs," I told Ms. Sheila and quickly walked out of the kitchen and upstairs. I walked into the guess room and closed the door behind me. I sat on the bed and stared off into space. I didn't see how my life was every going to be able to go back to normal. The nightmares, the lack of sleep, the loss of appetite, I felt hopeless and the only light at the end of my tunnel was Kaliyah, if it wasn't for her I'm sure I would be worse off.

I knew that I needed to talk to someone and the only person I could think of who could listen to me and help me was my old psychiatrist, Ms. Baxter. I haven't seen her in years, before Kaliyah was born and I was long overdue for a session.

I laid down and before I knew it I was asleep but I woke up to a knock on the door. I don't know how long I was asleep but I sat up and told whoever it was to come in, I wasn't prepared to see August walk in the room. He walked in with a plate in his hand and closed the door behind him and I watched in silence as he sat down next to me on the bed.

He put the plate of food down on the bed and looked at me as if he was expecting me to thank him and dig in.

"I'm not hungry."