All My Life

You Again.

It was a dream, a beautiful dream. Until I couldn't grasp the world around me. I couldn't comprehend in my head why exactly my life was going this way. Then it was a nightmare, but oh what a beautiful nightmare it was.

There was something about you, something I wanted to be apart of. Something nobody else could see. Something everyone else ran away from, but I stayed to embrace. Embrace everything I knew was there that you wouldn't show. Once I got close you showed me that exact reason I should have ran. Ran like everyone else and now I could finally see why. How can you fall for someone that doesn't want to fall for you? How can you give your all to someone that only wants to hurt you?

You. You were everything I believed I'd ever wanted. You started off as every fantasy and every dream I'd every had. You became every hope and every future plan. You were my favorite form of happiness until you became my favorite form of self destruction. Then you took a piece of me every day and piece by piece I became a person I never knew.

Months have gone by since I last hear your voice. Months since I have last heard your name. Years have gone by since you were last called mine. You begin to forget you're dying when everyone around you isn't always talking about it. I began to forget. Then there you are again. Back into my day ever so graciously. Without even knowing how much it's killing me. Without even knowing your name was all I had to hear to fall into pieces. All the time gone by couldn't have prepared me for this. All that time forgetting couldn't have prepared me to remember again. Your name flowed off the tongue and hit me like knives in my chest. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

It's been months again. Months since your name came up in conversation. You don't slide your way into everyday life the way you used to. It finally feels like I could go through the rest of my life as if you are just a figment of my imagination. You were just something I used to cling onto to. Now after all these years of your knife at my throat I can finally breath. I could go on and on about how good it feels to breath after drowning for so long, but instead thank you. It's like coming up for fresh air.