Suddenly the nightmare startled me up. I was breathing fast, my body was as hot as a little dead fish on the desert, my sweat was covering almost all of my pillow. I sighed... That nightmare again. It was 3:00 in the morning. Found out my body was so painful, that it was so difficult even just to sit up. Wondered how long I slept. I could feel my eyes were as heavy as how I felt. Looking at my dark and messy room - papers, cans of beer and clothes strewn across the floor.
"Did I just drink again?" I asked myself (I used to talk to myself a lot so it became a habit), smiled, a distorted smile, in painful and sadness. I clenched my fists.
I walked around, picked up all the papers, imagined that I was okay, nothing happen but useless all those dark thinking, I couldn't escape.
I had dedicated my entire to this and it was working, I should be happy! But why did I feel so wrong, like it was all mistake? Is that because her? Why? I punched in the wall, my hand was bleeding but I couldn't feel it.
I kneeled on the floor like a loser. There was no more hope. She didn't love me, not even a bit. Just only think about that, my salty tears already dripped down my nose and into my mouth. My heart had been broken for a long time, I tried to fix it but it was all useless, then one more time, I made it worse.
People said scientist is smart, they can fix, know and find out everything people can imagine, but is not true because if that so... why? I can't even fix my own heart, why? I don't know how to make someone love me and... why? I couldn't even find out that she has a boyfriend? Is that because I was too foolish? Because I was too "dreamy" and I trusted something that it doesn't even exit? Stupid!
I wished that I could come back in time, I wished that I could hug my mother and cry like a little child, even just only one time, only for few minutes, I wishes I could tell Arianna how I felt for a really long time, I wished I could have a ability to see the future, to come back to the past so I could fix everything, but wishes are just only wishes, I've lost everything, I had nothing here on this earth, nothing.
No! I stood up with a stronger confidence, that... there is still one more chance, and it'll be my first experiment on it.
"Right! Let's do it"
YOU ARE READING
Same but Different
Science Fiction"Are you the same? Or different?" I touched her long, brown hair, my tear dripped down, but her, she looked at me like she wanted to say sorry but it would not help, I knew she wasn't HER.
