"Baka naman friend niya lang." She’s trying to make him feel better.
"I heard Kim from the background. She called him sweetheart. And my friend saw her with another guy."
"Maybe a gay friend or.."
"It doesn't make me feel better Sarah."
"Ge,"
"I want to hate her, why I can't hate her."
"You can't tell yourself how to feel."
"That sucks."
"Yeah. You just have to take some time to get through it. Maybe, you should talk to her and ask her about it." She suggested.
"I don't know how."
"You have to do it."
"Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko."
"I know you can. I'll support you." She said squeezing Gerald's hand.
He let out a soft sigh. "Anyways, we've been hanging out for about a week but I haven't known your name yet." He still wants Sarah to confirm it.
"Oh, okay. I'm Sarah Sophia Tua Geronimo." She started.
"I knew it. You're the daughter of Don Geronimo."
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Why?" Gerald noticed Sarah's sadness.
"You know what I mean." Trying her best to hide her pain.
"It's okay. He's still your Father."
"I know." She nods. "And I love him so much that I don't want to see him so disappointed on me."
"Sarah he's not. I know he is proud of you."
"How can you say that?"
"I've only known you for days but I see how good you are as a person. And if I am your father, I would be a proud one." His statement makes Sarah teary-eyed. "Hey come here." Ge said and hugged Sarah.
"Thank you, even though you're just making me feel better."
"No, it is true Sarah, you're a good person, and I am proud to be your friend." He said. "And whatever happens, he's still your Father. Hwag mo na lang siyang pansinin." He joked. "Kaya mo yan."
"You know what, ganyang-ganyan din sina Ate everytime na pinapagalitan ako ni Papa." She broke from the hug and started plating some cookies for him.
"Huh?"
"What a person can do to another is not forgiving or saying something that would make that person feel better when you know it’s not. Minsan, kelangan natin yung taong hindi lang icocomfort tayo pero yung taong magsasabing, okay lang hindi maging okay." She saw him a bit puzzled. "Kapag pinapagalitan ako ni Papa, palaging sinasabi ng mga kapatid ko na kaya mo yan Sars, okay lang yan, pagod lang si Papa. Alam mo yun, they didn't console me. They forgot to comfort me." Hinanakit nito.
"Ano ba dapat ang nilang sabihin?" He asked.
"It's okay to be not okay. Sars, okay lang na hindi ka okay. It's okay to cry." She said. "If people have said that to me, I probably would've cried a day or two and been fine. Maybe because I didn't get to cry then kaya everytime na may argument kami ni Papa, I end up crying ng patago.” She looked at him. “Kasi kelangan kong magpakatatag para sa sarili ko at sa mga kapatid ko. I don't want them see me so weak. Ayokong mag-alala sila sakin. Kaya rin siguro I grew up like this, independent at hindi naniniwala sa fairytales or true love. Kasi hindi ko naramdaman yun sa kanya ee. Walang nagparamdam sakin na mahal nila ako. Though palaging sinasabi ng mga kapatid ko na mahal nila ako, pero kasi parang walang dating yun sakin, kasi all I want is for him to love me."
Gerald saw how sad Sarah is deep inside. He didn’t say anything, instead he just hugged her tight. He wanted her to feel that she’s not alone, that he is with her.
Ten minutes after Gerald left, she called her best friend Anne.
“Hey, Anne.” She greeted.
" Sars miss na kita." Bungad ng kaibigan sa kabilang linya.
"And I miss you too." She answered.
"So, how you doin’?"
"Uhm, okay. I think I’m okay.”
"You think you’re okay or you wanna think you are?!”
“Both.”
“Sarah.”
“I feel awful you know. Parang sobrang sama kung tao dahil naglayas ako.”
“You’re not. You just take a stand.” Anne consoled.
“Kahit alam mong masasaktan mo ang mga mahal mo?”
“Oo. Kasi ang importante, ginawa mo yan para sa sarili mo at alam mong balang araw, may matututunan ka. Sometimes, you have to forget kung anong sasabihin at mararamdaman ng ibang tao sa gagawin mo. Kasi minsan, kelangan mo ring sundin kung ano ang gusto mo.” Payo ng kaibigan nito.
"It could be a lot easier if you’re here.” She sighed.
“You have to learn it on your own.”
“I know.”
"So how's your new found friend?" Biro nito.
"He’s good.”
"Seriously, what's going on with you and that guy Gerald?" Her friend asked.
"What do you mean? Nothing." Kibit balikat nitong sagot.
"Just that, you talk about him all the time." She answered.
"Am I?"
"Yah."
"I don't know. Maybe I just don't want to see him being like that."
"What like that."
"You know, sad, in pain."
"So is that your new job." Biro niya rito.
"I just wanted to help him get through it."
"Well, good luck to you my friend. Just don't let yourself fall into the trap."
"He's just a friend."
"Really. Opps, Sam is here now. Bye sis." Paalam nito kay Sarah. "Tawagan ulit kita later."
The truth is, I love my father, but I don't particularly like him. I guess I don't particularly like him because I am not sure if he likes me too. After my mother died and it was just the four of us in the house, there was a small window of opportunity when we, my father and I have at least tried to communicate. We could have screamed and cried and said all the things that would normally have been unforgivable. We could have wept together until we recognized that we had both lost one of the few things that connected us. But we didn’t. Every day I wake up, I'd always say, 'This doesn't hurt, this wouldn’t hurt', it was like my mantra before I would interact with him. Sometimes, I would stand outside his room, wanted to hug him tight and say I love you but I can't lift my arm, unable to brush knuckle against the wood.
AN: Sorry for the boring update. Babawi ako sa susunod na chapter. Kindly follow @itjennn on twitter and also my account because she was helping me for my updates. I wanna hear your opinion and suggestions. Don’t forget to vote. Thanku
Chapter 8
Start from the beginning
