i guess you can say i am still madly in love with you . its been six months since we first dated,i dont know how you feel about me but you must like me a bit if we got back together right? i know for a fact you dont love me one bit, but im okay with that, well no i guess im not okay with it because i always wanted you to love me back you know? youre the cutest thing i have ever seen, im just head over heels for you. it actually annoys me. not because its you but because you arent head over heels for me. i mean i dont expect you to be but i just fantasies about you being in love with me. youve changed since the last time we dated. im giving you a lot of space now. im a lot less clingy. i still cant believe you decided to give us another try, to be completely honest i thought you would have forgotten my name in those 4 months we were broken up. im not sure if youll ever see this but i hope you do. when you told me youre moving some time soon, i gotta say i wanted to cry. but i know youre not moving today or tomorrow so ill make us last in the time youre here. i mean if you want to which i hope you do because itll break my heart if you dont hah. i honestly dont know why im still in love with you when you clearly have no strong feelings for me. i mean yes, you like me but that doesnt compare to the love i have for you. just now i said i cared for you but you didnt reply and honestly that scares me. everyone of my friends told me to be careful this second time around because theyre scared youll tear my heart into pieces. im sure you will but honestly youre so worth it. i would go through this again a thousand times knowing its you hurting me, i dont think you understand how intensely i love you. you are seriously everything to me, they say one person is more attached then the other and its so true. right now youre with chris in the garage and im on the swing where you left me, i guess im a bit jealous because you give him so much attention and i envy youre relationship with him, sometimes i think youre gay haha. but even if you were i would pray to god that christopher wouldnt hurt me like that. i want to cry because i feel so alone when im not around you but even if you were with me you wouldnt pay much attention to me anyway, its okay not a lot of people do. i feel like im overreacting to be honest. but its what im feeling. thanks to you i am either up in the clouds or im feeling 6 feet underground, i have never met someone that could control me so much. okay wow i just left you guys, but i guess its okay because you could care less. its your fault for getting to attached to him, you can only blame yourself. maybe you should break it off. this isnt healthy for you anymore. i honestly dont know what to do anymore, like one minute youre so happy with him then next its like hes tearing your heart into pieces. saddest thing is he doesnt even realize it, so you have to keep it to yourself you know? this is really hard for me to write because im so madly in love with him. it pains me to think about losing you. jesus kevin i honestly am scared of you because you are the one that can either make me or break me and just thinking about you breaking me even more just scares me so much. i know i shouldnt let you have so much control over me but you do. i dont know how to gain that control back. youre still over there with chris and it makes me really sad. you see him all the time but yet you would prefer to be over there then to spend just one day with me. it hurts, a lot. hah im so stupid to actually think i thought you could ever love someone like me right? im just so idiotic! im not mad just really disappointed in myself. im disappointed in you, me thinking you had actually became a nice guy haha silly me right?!? i just wish you would come over here and give me a hug and kiss an tell me you care but i know youre not. i just know. im just really sorry im like this, i love you.
