With Sinatra's Help

I still keep the note with me. Age has turned it yellow, its creases have begun to cut the paper but, I cannot part with it. His letter, his last words became my strength as I fought though the pain of losing him, it became my talisman; helped me survive the numerous times I contemplated suicide.

Today, a decade after surviving without Bill, I smiled with Sinatra as he reminded me of our first date back in the eighties when a teenage Bill taught me the meaning of love at first sight. I pulled his last letter out of my bag and lovingly unfolded the crease, I didn't need to read it anymore, not because I knew the words, but because I had completed every last wish in this letter.

My youngest, Lia was now a much married young woman with a child in tow. Even my two boys, Mark and Mathew had married and settled. No one needed me for their happiness. Yes, they loved me, yes, I still visited them, but, and for the first time in a decade I knew I was ready to go to Bill.

I was finally free.

I smiled as I stared into my coffee, "Can I come to you Bill?" I found myself asking him aloud.

"No you cannot." Said a familiar voice, jerking me out of my reverie.

I looked up to see the broad shoulders of my friend and Bill's lawyer Paul. He sat down in the chair infront of me and quietly handed a note to me,

"I need you for my own

Oh, I can't break away

I must have you everyday

As regularly as coffee or tea

You've got me in your clutches

And I can't break free

You're getting to be a habit with me"

"I know Bill took Sinatra's help to propose, and I sorry that I seem to be copying him, but noone else can create Sinatra's magic, least of all a dull boring lawyer like me. I needed to say this Cindy." He whispered as his soft green eyes spoke with my soul. His looks screamed out his fear , he was scared but he was baring his heart out to me.

"I know that you lived to fulfill Bill's wishes, given a choice, you would have happily filled the crypt next to his. You see Cindy, Bill knew a little something more, he knew how I have loved you for years and he knew that I would never say those words to you. What he also knew was that you would neglect yourself completely and once you fulfilled all of Bill's wishes, you would plan to join him. " He continued and I felt my heart thunder. Bill had known! Why had he not said a word to me?

"Hence, he gave this note to me and made me promise that I would stay with you forever more." Paul whispered as he gently lay his hands on mine, enclosing the letter in my palms. Bill had written them on behalf of Paul? I stared into his eyes, reading his very soul and remembering his steadfast promise of being there with me. Oh he had kept his promise, stood by me like a rock.

"I love you Cindy and you are a habit with me. Now that you have done your duty, please give me a chance to love you, protect you and pamper you. I know that you still love Bill and I could never ever take his place, but please. marry me, become my wife. I promise you a life full of companionship, togetherness and unconditional love with a sprinkling of legal advice." He whispered as tears rolled down his eyes.

"I have waited my whole life for you Cindy, before you contemplate going to Bill, please think of me." He begged as he bent forward to kiss my cheek. "Think about me, my love." He whispered yet again as he rose and left.

I knew how difficult it had been for him to make this request, to open his heart and bare his soul. My silent rock, the pillar in my numb dark days, Paul had quietly held me and my family together through the worst days of our lives. He had seamlessly blended in, taken over where Bill had left us, no, he did not become their father, but to the kids, he was nothing less than one. He never asked for anything, but, he was simply there- always. He is the honorary dad to my kids and they love him to bits. Till date he is the first person Lia calls. In fact, he met her man before she even contemplated letting her brothers and me meet him. She had explained that wanted her Dad's permission to date the guy. Paul had puffed with pride as he gave her away to this same 'guy', but only after allowing her brothers to threaten him with dire consequences should his princess ever ever cry.